Showing posts with label crushing emotional blow. Show all posts
Showing posts with label crushing emotional blow. Show all posts

Sunday, June 17, 2012

It never stops.

The worries that is...just when I think I've got it under control...more pops up. We had LM's 15mo well-baby check on Tuesday and (while he is perfectly healthy and growing like a weed!) we had some issues come up that are now pretty worrying to me. I'll address one here today and another later (it's not as big of an issue...yet).

At LM's 6mo appt, the pedi noticed his head leaning to the right and told us to work on stretching it and to keep an eye on it to make sure it wasn't "bothering" him. It seemed to straighten as he learned to roll over and sit up. At the next appt (9mo), she remarked how much better it seemed and we went on with our lives.
But-at our appt on Tuesday, she noticed it again and asked how long it had been like that. And (gulp) honestly we had no idea. He's been monkey crawling for so long that his head was always "down" and he just started walking to he's all off-balance and wobbly anyway. Now that we look at it--it's all we see. I looked back at some pictures the last couple of months, and it's there sometimes too.
She wanted us to watch it for a week to make sure it wasn't from funny sleeping etc. But--we've been watching, and he definitely leans his head to the right. She checked his neck (no super tense muscles) and his vision "appeared" fine. We're supposed to call next week if it hasn't improved and she wanted to schedule a "scan" to check for other things. She also mentioned that it usually has to do with eyes (one stronger than the others etc).

We've done some research, both of the Dr. Google and my BIL dr and it seems like this is something that was best dealt with early--though we can't control that. Our BIL said that he thought that an MRI was a big leap before having a pediatric ophthalmologist check him first. And that would be his first step.
I've talked to some of the moms in LM's due date group that have gone through this and while they second the vision check (I can only imagine how costly a bunch of pediatric ophthalmology visits and tests will be with our "super" insurance coverage!), the consensus seems that I should prepare myself for the idea that some OT/PT will be necessary. There's been talk of patches and neck collars---but all stories point to things getting better.

I'm scared that this is going to be something more---TH and I both got glasses in 3rd grade (though his are/were SUPER bad and he had the complicated laser surgery last summer to fix it). I'm scared it will involve lots of PT or something more. I'm scared this has been going on for longer and we just didn't notice it---and could've helped him sooner. It's just hard because you want your baby to be "perfect"...or at least without defect. And so far (minus the biting, hitting and sleeping issues), LM has been a dream.  
And now I'm scared that he's broken...and that maybe it was something I did or didn't do. While the common theory is muscles growing at different rates, it can be from not having enough room in the womb...so now I'm worried about PS too. 

So Monday, I'll call the pedi and tell her what we'd like to do (eyes first) and talk to her about whether we should get the ball moving on an EI (early intervention) evaluation sooner or later (i.e. before or after a scan if she still thinks we should). I'm just scared about what it all means.

Sunday, January 29, 2012

Looking forward to Monday

Yup...I said it. I'm looking forward to tomorrow. We need a fresh start. Last week--sucked.

On top of the normal teething, cold, work, husband who I swear somedays just met me, we had our first real heart-stopping moment.

Tuesday progressed like any other day--children running amuck (I mean, learning), meetings to attend, colleagues to try not to flick between the eyes. That is, until I glanced at my cell phone in the early afternoon and saw 5 (FIVE) missed calls.

My heart dropped.

Long story short--they were all from my husband who had checked his phone upon returning in from recess and saw a text from our babysitter. LM had been pulling up on a speaker in the main playroom (their family room) and had fallen backwards. It had tipped and landed on him---the top edge hitting him right across the bridge of his nose, cutting him. Even though he had calmed right down when she picked him up and drank a bottle, she wanted us to know what had happened--especially since she through his eyes were dilated more than normal.

Because I had been out of my room making copies and picking up my kiddos from library, I had missed the texts and his calls to my classroom. He called his brother-in-law (a doctor) who said that even though it wasn't probably a serious injury at all, we should be safe and get him checked out. So, the building sub took over his room and he went to get LM.

As I'm hearing all of this, I feel the panic spread through my body. It's like that rush of adrenaline you get when someone jumps out and scares you. TH is on his way to pick him up and we decided to let him assess his general demeanor before deciding where to take him. I fly to the office and promptly tell both the principal and vice-principal that I need to leave....and then burst into tears. I explain what happened and they shoo me out the door to get on my way (after offering to drive me home themselves). I grab my stuff, thank the para who got pulled to run my room, totally freak out my kiddos on my way out the door in tears and head home to meet TH and LM.

Upon arriving at her house, TH said very little to her. She mentioned that he might end up with two black eyes but said little herself as TH had surprised her (we didn't answer back that he was coming). She woke him up from his nap.....I'll say it again folks...HIS NAP. Seriously...because isn't a nap a perfect thing to take place after a baby hits his head and you're worried. He calls me on his way home and says that he's got a good-sized cut on his nose but seems to be acting okay. At this point, I felt like I could breathe again. I drove home...totally obeying the speed limits and not passing cars on the right...and swooped him up in my arms. As much as he loves mama kisses, he wasn't too happy to has his play interrupted...another good sign.

Our BIL (who happened to have the day off), swung by the house and did a quick exam of LM himself. He didn't see anything wrong with him (and suggested that the pupil dilation she noticed was probably an adrenaline reaction of his own and since they weren't different sizes, it probably was nothing) and played with him for awhile himself. He told us what to keep an eye out for and said that we could probably forgo any trips to the doctor/hospital unless something changed. Thank goodness for doctors in the family (especially ones with three little ones under 7).

Now that the panic had subsided, TH and I started discussing what had actually happened. Since LM is not the only little one she watches that have been there when they started becoming mobile, we had made the assumption that things were baby-proofed appropriately. Now, I get that we never should have assumed. We asked the woman a million and a half questions when he started going there, but that stuff didn't come up at the time. However, who has giant (at least 3ft fall) 80's style speakers in the main play room that aren't mounted. Especially, since there are times that she has to be helping little one's in the restroom etc. She puts up gates to keep them from wandering and we had made the assumption she had thought of other things.

We were wrong....and pissed off.

(Okay, I realize I said long story short but....sorry!)

We talked for awhile and realized that we were going to have to talk with her that night about it all. Not only did I feel her attitude about it needed to be adjusted, but certain baby-proofing things needed to be in place before I could leave him there in the morning. I just couldn't worry about him all day long. So, I texted her and arranged for a time to come by. TH and I talked about what our expectations for her were and I steeled myself to be willing to pull him completely if she couldn't/wouldn't accommodate them.  I knew her main argument/excuse would be that it had never happened before with any of the other little ones, but that just wouldn't fly with me. I don't need him to be the guinea pig.

I don't do confrontations well. I hate them. My dad thrives on them and I grew up being embarrassed and uncomfortable with them. So, this wasn't something I was looking forward to. I gave myself a mom pep talk and headed over.

Turns out, she really was horrified that it had happened. When I got there, her husband was already working on mounting the speakers to the wall. We chatted about what else in the room/house needed to be baby-proofed---including, as it turns out, the kitchen. Who the heck runs an in-home daycare, serves breakfast and lunch out of their kitchen and doesn't have the kitchen childproofed!!!! We talkd about how I have no problem with her putting him in a PNP or something when she needs to be out of the room...I'd rather him be angry than hurt. I made it very clear that I wouldn't/couldn't leave him there if I was worried about it. They were very accommodating and repeatedly said that they would do whatever they needed to do and that they were open to any suggestions...they admitted it was a learning curve for them as well. So, I left there feeling ok about that part of it all. AND--I was thrilled that I didn't have to pull him...he adores her.

My concern at this point is that I worry that they didn't think of it first...I thought some of it should be purely logical if that is going to be your career. I'm a first time mom...I'm learning as I go so I can't use experience to help me look out for him in some cases. I can use intuition, information and a little luck to help guide our decisions but I need to be able to rely on those around me who are the "experts". I know accidents happen....I get that he'll fall and crash into things as this stage in his life. But--I also expect him to be doing the falling...not objects around him. We're staying there for now as I think we've resolved our issues. But man....it gives me a lot to think about.

As for the rest of the week, there was lots of awkwardness (especially when one of their speaker mountings failed as she showed it to TH the next afternoon) and educating on our parts (we shared with them products that we've used to mount things---including some FABULOUS mounting ties if any of you are interested). The rest of the week went safely....it was just long.

And I'm so glad it's over. As I'm sure you all feel about this lengthy post!

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

No.

I refuse to listen to people debate petty political nit-picks....0.1% tax increase BAH.

I refuse to listen to parents whine that I'm not giving their 5 year old enough homework to "keep them busy" while they cook dinner.

There are so many, many petty things that people are so obsessed with right now....stupid, tiny things that will have no long-term lasting effects......

Today a mom lost her baby. She held him in her arms while I stopped breathing. There is no reason why any child should be taken from their mother or any mother lose their baby. She has to wake up everyday and realize in that first breath, that he is gone.

But yet, all around us--people refuse to realize the truly important things in life. It could all be so so much worse.

For one mother...today it doesn't get any worse.

Sunday, October 30, 2011

Urgent. Please read.

Tyler, the little one living with leukemia, who I talked about in this post, needs your prayers, thoughts, "whatever you can do"'s. His body is failing and the doctor's aren't sure that he'll make it much longer. His family is having to make some difficult decisions right now...all while hoping for a miracle. I know that my followers are few...but with your thoughts/prayers and perhaps a repost on your own blogs---we can get enough people focused on Tyler to either ease his journey or create the miracle his mother so dearly is hoping for.
Tyler's Story/Updates
Thank you!