***BAM***

That was me hitting my weight loss wall.....repeatedly.

It's not fair that the baby weight flies off at first...especially with breastfeeding. Suddenly, you almost look like your old self. But, then comes the scary time when you realize that all the maternity pants are too big and all of your pre-preggo pants are still too small....even your "fat pants" (c'mon...you know you have them!). It's disheartening.

Then *gasp*--you realize that all the fat has shifted to the your least favorite places. While the rest of me appears to have lost baby weight---my thighs, butt and muffin top are glaring reminders that the fat has shifted. I won't even get into the stretchy stomach skin!

I've been trying to eat better...and honestly, besides coffee for breakfast, I usually just have time for a small lunch late in the afternoon. I guess I could eat a healthier dinner but frankly, it's not all that bad.  I suppose I should drink more water...but after nine months of water water water water...ick.  I hydrate enough to not affect breastfeeding.

I should exercise more...okay some...okay....more than once a week.  I was doing really well after TH went back to work---I'd walk on the treadmill (though not for more than a mile--eesh...out of shape!) or LM and I would go walk in the park. But, then the weather got chilly again and it's been raining...and my motivation is gone.

I have five more pounds to lose to "fit" into my clothes without looking like a sausage. I have ten more pounds to go to get to my pre-preggo weight. At the end of June, I'm supposed to be going away with family---to a place where the big evening plans involve a hot tub...and a swimsuit.

I made the mistake of trying on some swimsuits the other day (because mine aren't even close to fitting) and OMG...when the XL bottoms don't fit...yikes. And I'm too short to wear a one piece---I look like an oompa loompa when I do...plus, I'm not ready for a "mom" swimsuit.  But, in a shining ray of yay-ness, I filled out the size L top nicely---a never before done feat!

So, this is my wake up call. I do not want to feel bad about my body. It's not good for my self-esteem and I want nothing but positive thoughts when it comes to my baby so lets get the baby weight off!! I want to feel pretty, sexy, not jiggly for my husband.  I cannot keep breaking into tears in the closet when nothing fits in a way that doesn't make me self-conscious.  I'm going to stop living in my world of self-denial that is entirely built upon the "you've lost so much weight!" and "wow, you look great" comments that people say who haven't seen me since I looked like I was about to POP.

I am going to do this.

I've downloaded an app that lets you have "friends" that you can involve in your food/exercise tracking and come Tuesday (it is Memorial Day weekend after all....grilling...yum)...I'm going to get my bigger than a XL size butt in gear.