The last few weeks have been full of transitions....back to work, back to daycare, new routines, new struggles.
Work has been hard--my kiddos learned a lot of bad habits while I was gone and I've got some pretty severe behavior problems to fix. On top of being behind curriculum and learning-wise....it's been hard to play catch-up. I also found out that one of my co-workers has breast cancer. So...work has been a lot of work. I'm exhausted by the time I get home....from working all day long after a night of interrupted sleep (she's up at least once a night).
LM is struggling in daycare. It's been hard for him to get back into the routine of daycare...especially with having to share her with his baby. He's been aggressive again..hitting, scratching, kicking. And, not listening...a lot. He was struggling with napping (she was trying to get him to lay on a mat for naptime so PS could use the pnp--not that she naps in it anyway!) and we had one horrible blow-up day last week where she spanked him (apparently it was a swat more than anything) but it got pretty ugly between us. We have arrived at an ok place right now but this is my final incident with her. If anything else comes up, I'm done. I know she's really frustrated with his behavior...but he's not even two yet and just doesn't get it yet. He will learn and he will get it..but it will take time. Sometimes I think his verbal skills make people (us included) assume that he understands/processes more than he can. I'm hoping that he'll get into the routine again and be ok. But, I'm looking into new places just in case. Beyond that, he's doing great--singing, dancing, talking up a storm! I can't believe he's almost two!!!
PS added to the stress of the week by having a new breakout of hives that got progressively worse as the week went on. So, to throw a big transition in---I'm stopped breastfeeding entirely. Obviously, there is more that she's allergic to and I can't eliminate everything from my diet. I also couldn't continue to deal emotionally with the idea that I'm hurting her with what I eat...without knowing. So, I ended that chapter of my life. It's been highly emotional for me (not to mention painful as the not feeding engorgement set in) but I'm trying to make the best out of it. I know that it'll be better for her to have a controlled diet that we can help her feel better with. Today I'm having a glass of wine without having to time it around feeds and see the positive in it. We ended up at the pediatrician's office on Friday to have her looked at. She confirmed that it's not a contact rash but a classic "food" related rash. She wants us to go back to the hypoallergenic formula (as you remember--she hated it the first time and REFUSED to drink anything out of a bottle for awhile so we went for soy to see if she'd take it). She wasn't sure if it was a reaction to the soy that had been building in her system or something else (corn maybe?). We're weaning her off the soy by mixing the two formulas until she'll take the hypo one. She's been doing okay with it so far. Of course, I'm sure I just jinxed us! We go back to the pedi allergist in June unless she continues with hives after being on the hypo formula full time for awhile. We also have steroid cream for her body and a liquid for her head (yup--it's there too) to get the hives/rash to go away before it harms her skin---it's seriously bad looking folks. I'm hoping that once we get it cleared and on the new formula, it'll make a difference in how she feels. What I'm not looking forward to though, is the cost of it. Retail, we're looking at 35$ every 5 days...and she only takes 4oz bottles right now. When I'm done with this, I'm going to be doing some research on buying through Ebay, CL etc.
It's been a lot lately. I feel like I'm unraveling emotionally...but just don't have time to actually do it. I'm sub-par at a lot of things...and great at nothing. I just want to be good at something...I don't need great yet. Oh, and I'd like someone to come wash my bottles every night :-)
Showing posts with label working. Show all posts
Showing posts with label working. Show all posts
Sunday, January 20, 2013
Sunday, January 6, 2013
Grindstone
That's what I'm back to tomorrow. I cannot believe it's been three months since I went on maternity leave. I'm not sure that there wasn't some bizarre sleeping beauty spell that happened because there is no way it's almost January 7th and I have a 22mo old and a 3mo old by weeks end.
Not F'in possible.
I'm sad to leave them. Scared too. We don't have PS's feeding issues all worked out yet. I'm walking into a storm of undisciplined students who apparently from what I saw of my room, have learned little while I was gone. I have so many personal inadequacy fears (mom and teacher, don't forget wife too!) that I feel like a failure already because I won't be able to be great at anything...just ok at many things.
My heart is sad. I just want to snuggle with them both all night.
Not F'in possible.
I'm sad to leave them. Scared too. We don't have PS's feeding issues all worked out yet. I'm walking into a storm of undisciplined students who apparently from what I saw of my room, have learned little while I was gone. I have so many personal inadequacy fears (mom and teacher, don't forget wife too!) that I feel like a failure already because I won't be able to be great at anything...just ok at many things.
My heart is sad. I just want to snuggle with them both all night.
Monday, September 24, 2012
Still here...still pregnant.
Barely. I'm 37weeks plus a few with a baby (that despite only being 1.5cm, 50% effaced still last Wednesday) who has dropped so low the doctor tapped her on the head (as a "visual aid" I suppose?) during my last cervical check. My back hurts so bad (from the 30lbs low on my hips and the 26lbs that has become attached to me like the little monkey he is) that I now have v.ic.o.din to take at night when it's bad (only given in once, it makes me nervous!). I now get random nerve pain and may end up going early, which I am not prepared for.
annnnndddd.....best of all---even though I stop work in four days, they have NO SUB for me still. So I've been running around like crazy organizing, planning, organizing more, creating things to the point that whatever yahoo they find (because at this point, I don't think they have an idea who to find) should be able to teach my kids. BUT--it's stressful because I can't handle leaving my babies to someone not qualified to help them learn as much as possible.
GRR. It was so much more peaceful last time.
xxoo Time to eat a cupcake.
annnnndddd.....best of all---even though I stop work in four days, they have NO SUB for me still. So I've been running around like crazy organizing, planning, organizing more, creating things to the point that whatever yahoo they find (because at this point, I don't think they have an idea who to find) should be able to teach my kids. BUT--it's stressful because I can't handle leaving my babies to someone not qualified to help them learn as much as possible.
GRR. It was so much more peaceful last time.
xxoo Time to eat a cupcake.
Wednesday, September 5, 2012
Paranoia
The last few days, I've been walking around as a super fun nesting, paranoid lady. Well, scratch that part, I'm not nesting at home but rather at school. I went on a cleaning/organizing binge in my classroom--creating all sorts of tasks for myself to work on instead of the multitude I still need to accomplish in the next 3.25 weeks. My house...now it's a mess. LM is waaayy into "cleaning" with his tiny play kitchen rags, so I'm thinking about just giving him some pledge and letting him have at my bookshelves. It may be the only way it's happening around here :-)
Ladies in my October Due Date group are starting to have babies...granted, it's mostly twins and the singlets that were high-risk or have become high-risk. But, coupled with the excruciating back pain today with every step I take and let's just say...some digestive issues tonight that reminded me of the "cleansing of the body" that took place during labor.....well, I just get paranoid that I'm not baking as well as I think. I don't go back to the doctor until next Friday (my last every two week visit) and I'm excited (yeah, weird, I know) for my first cervical check. I NEED.TO.KNOW where I'm at. I pretty much don't even notice the BHicks anymore, they happen that often. Last time, at my first cervical check I was a fingertip dilated and by the next week, I was 2cm--which started the "maybe it's time to stop work conversation (that and the giant swollen sponge.bob squarefeet action).
I'm over-thinking this all...and rambling.
Perhaps it's that I STILL don't have a sub (though my Principal swears she's interviewing). Perhaps it's that I seem to by lacking the motivation to finish the sub plans I need to leave for the first two weeks (I'm 75% done with one week), despite the fact that the last two weekends, that's been my goal. It's just so tedious to type out each and every detail about each and every day for my little ones. But, like I said, the nesting at school is helping me at least get my room ready. I suppose I could always finish my plans while in labor :-)
Or maybe it's just that I'm scared. Scared of the birth process again...it was "too smooth" last time. Surely, it won't be as straightforward, short and "well-timed". I'm also scared of how it will change our family---LM has been acting out at daycare when she's been having to take care of the 3mo old baby. He's such a mama/daddy boy...I feel awful for changing his world so much when he has no idea what to expect. I'm scared that I won't be able to pick him up much longer without hurting myself. I'm also scared that I won't be good enough as a mom to 2. I barely scrape by as a wife...and I've been having incredible guilt at the things TH has had to take over to help me out at this point (though, I know he's trying to just give me a break). But, I'm already not a cook, cleaning isn't my priority (though I'm tidy and pickup after myself, I just don't like to spend time cleaning cleaning on the weekends) and I'm not the organized, pinterest type of wife. I want to be...I'm just not. And I worry that it's going to get worse. And that it will affect my marriage. I realize I should stop worrying...especially when I read posts and blogs about moms to be and how they kept calm and worry-free and how it's making their babies better ("than mine" the fine print screams at me). PS is going to come out with a ticky-eye like I've developed and afraid of talking out and having to turn her behavior card :-)
To end on a positive note (not that anyone is still reading past this yammering), we do have a name! MIL HATES it, but what's new? And, baby-wise, we really only have to install the carseat(s), bring up the swing and we can survive her arrival. AND--I'm huge. None of my maternity clothes fit right anymore but apparently, that just makes people comment on how nice I look (or perhaps that's the crazed look in my eyes that frightens the compliment out of them!) which makes me feel better.
LM is 18 months today....A YEAR and a friggin HALF. Holy Moly. I'm 34+3days pregnant and still looking for a cute way to share it on FB!
Ladies in my October Due Date group are starting to have babies...granted, it's mostly twins and the singlets that were high-risk or have become high-risk. But, coupled with the excruciating back pain today with every step I take and let's just say...some digestive issues tonight that reminded me of the "cleansing of the body" that took place during labor.....well, I just get paranoid that I'm not baking as well as I think. I don't go back to the doctor until next Friday (my last every two week visit) and I'm excited (yeah, weird, I know) for my first cervical check. I NEED.TO.KNOW where I'm at. I pretty much don't even notice the BHicks anymore, they happen that often. Last time, at my first cervical check I was a fingertip dilated and by the next week, I was 2cm--which started the "maybe it's time to stop work conversation (that and the giant swollen sponge.bob squarefeet action).
I'm over-thinking this all...and rambling.
Perhaps it's that I STILL don't have a sub (though my Principal swears she's interviewing). Perhaps it's that I seem to by lacking the motivation to finish the sub plans I need to leave for the first two weeks (I'm 75% done with one week), despite the fact that the last two weekends, that's been my goal. It's just so tedious to type out each and every detail about each and every day for my little ones. But, like I said, the nesting at school is helping me at least get my room ready. I suppose I could always finish my plans while in labor :-)
Or maybe it's just that I'm scared. Scared of the birth process again...it was "too smooth" last time. Surely, it won't be as straightforward, short and "well-timed". I'm also scared of how it will change our family---LM has been acting out at daycare when she's been having to take care of the 3mo old baby. He's such a mama/daddy boy...I feel awful for changing his world so much when he has no idea what to expect. I'm scared that I won't be able to pick him up much longer without hurting myself. I'm also scared that I won't be good enough as a mom to 2. I barely scrape by as a wife...and I've been having incredible guilt at the things TH has had to take over to help me out at this point (though, I know he's trying to just give me a break). But, I'm already not a cook, cleaning isn't my priority (though I'm tidy and pickup after myself, I just don't like to spend time cleaning cleaning on the weekends) and I'm not the organized, pinterest type of wife. I want to be...I'm just not. And I worry that it's going to get worse. And that it will affect my marriage. I realize I should stop worrying...especially when I read posts and blogs about moms to be and how they kept calm and worry-free and how it's making their babies better ("than mine" the fine print screams at me). PS is going to come out with a ticky-eye like I've developed and afraid of talking out and having to turn her behavior card :-)
To end on a positive note (not that anyone is still reading past this yammering), we do have a name! MIL HATES it, but what's new? And, baby-wise, we really only have to install the carseat(s), bring up the swing and we can survive her arrival. AND--I'm huge. None of my maternity clothes fit right anymore but apparently, that just makes people comment on how nice I look (or perhaps that's the crazed look in my eyes that frightens the compliment out of them!) which makes me feel better.
LM is 18 months today....A YEAR and a friggin HALF. Holy Moly. I'm 34+3days pregnant and still looking for a cute way to share it on FB!
Sunday, August 19, 2012
Eight isn't enough
Eight weeks. That's how much time (in theory) we have left until Pumpkin Seed is here. While that may seem like a LOOOONG time, and it is nearly an entire grading period, it's not enough!
I'm starting to freak out a bit about what I need to accomplish in that timeframe....oh and then chop two weeks off for when I'm planning on stopping working.
Planning. That's the key word. All this is about what I've planned to happen, when I've planned for it to happen and how I've planned for it to happen. And we all know what happens when we make our own plan. *kerpow* (that's the sound of a plan exploding).
I should know by now (after 17months of parenthood) that NOTHING goes as you plan. You make plans, your child changes them, you adapt and we all go about our merry sleep-deprived ways. But yet, I keep making plans.
It goes a little something like this...
Self (to self): "I'll stop working at the start of October, two weeks before DD just like my OB recommends. It'll be no problem getting all of the children assessed, their report cards done and come in after I start maternity leave for the big evening conferences."
Self (to self): "Umm...what about all of the other day to day school work that is growing exponentially as the school district keeps coming up with new and special things for you to do on top of everything else?"
Self (to self): "Ehh. No problem. I'll get it done. Suuure, I've got 28 students who have more issues than I realized (and realize more everyday). But, I'll get it done. Maaaybe I won't come in for conferences, but then I'll need to create a little letter for each report card talking about skills."
Self (loudly to self): "Seriously. Shut up. You're more and more exhausted as the days go by and not even sure that you'll make it until October. You have a million classroom things to do to get organized enough to leave it to someone else, NO SUB, two FULL weeks of detailed sub plans to write, regular stuff to do lesson wise, curriculum maps to update, a wild 17mo old at home that you can't lift without your back hurting but yet refuse to not pick him up AND have yet to name the baby".
Self (to self): "Oooh....I have a new idea for a neat station. I'll do that instead of working on everything else!"
Self (to self): *facepalm*
So...obviously, a bit freaked out about my lack of ability (or rather my inability) to move forward instead of side to side. I did accomplish a bit step today by finishing up my uber-detailed document of everything (procedures, day to day, etc) you need to know about my classroom. Luckily, the updating from last time didn't actually take as long as I thought. But, it's amazing what all has changed between babies. So, that should help. I plan (there's that word again!!) to make a detailed to-do list (separate from all my other to-do lists) about what needs to be accomplished before I can start my maternity leave when I get to school tomorrow. Hopefully, it's not as long as I imagine it is in my head.
And, on top of it all, I've got to start taking it easy. I'm feeling worn down, beaten down and scared that I'm being too hard on my body. I just can't leave all of those other people's babies left unattended for 9+ weeks without knowing they'll be in good hands, with everything they need to succeed. And I can't not spend tons of time playing with my baby..even if that means being on the floor with him, picking him up when he looks at me with a cute little smile and says "uppa" with his arms raised etc. I need my list to help organize me. And make me accountable.
Perhaps, I'll post it on here someday and you all can help make me accountable as well.
No more procrastinating...work to be done!
I'm starting to freak out a bit about what I need to accomplish in that timeframe....oh and then chop two weeks off for when I'm planning on stopping working.
Planning. That's the key word. All this is about what I've planned to happen, when I've planned for it to happen and how I've planned for it to happen. And we all know what happens when we make our own plan. *kerpow* (that's the sound of a plan exploding).
I should know by now (after 17months of parenthood) that NOTHING goes as you plan. You make plans, your child changes them, you adapt and we all go about our merry sleep-deprived ways. But yet, I keep making plans.
It goes a little something like this...
Self (to self): "I'll stop working at the start of October, two weeks before DD just like my OB recommends. It'll be no problem getting all of the children assessed, their report cards done and come in after I start maternity leave for the big evening conferences."
Self (to self): "Umm...what about all of the other day to day school work that is growing exponentially as the school district keeps coming up with new and special things for you to do on top of everything else?"
Self (to self): "Ehh. No problem. I'll get it done. Suuure, I've got 28 students who have more issues than I realized (and realize more everyday). But, I'll get it done. Maaaybe I won't come in for conferences, but then I'll need to create a little letter for each report card talking about skills."
Self (loudly to self): "Seriously. Shut up. You're more and more exhausted as the days go by and not even sure that you'll make it until October. You have a million classroom things to do to get organized enough to leave it to someone else, NO SUB, two FULL weeks of detailed sub plans to write, regular stuff to do lesson wise, curriculum maps to update, a wild 17mo old at home that you can't lift without your back hurting but yet refuse to not pick him up AND have yet to name the baby".
Self (to self): "Oooh....I have a new idea for a neat station. I'll do that instead of working on everything else!"
Self (to self): *facepalm*
So...obviously, a bit freaked out about my lack of ability (or rather my inability) to move forward instead of side to side. I did accomplish a bit step today by finishing up my uber-detailed document of everything (procedures, day to day, etc) you need to know about my classroom. Luckily, the updating from last time didn't actually take as long as I thought. But, it's amazing what all has changed between babies. So, that should help. I plan (there's that word again!!) to make a detailed to-do list (separate from all my other to-do lists) about what needs to be accomplished before I can start my maternity leave when I get to school tomorrow. Hopefully, it's not as long as I imagine it is in my head.
And, on top of it all, I've got to start taking it easy. I'm feeling worn down, beaten down and scared that I'm being too hard on my body. I just can't leave all of those other people's babies left unattended for 9+ weeks without knowing they'll be in good hands, with everything they need to succeed. And I can't not spend tons of time playing with my baby..even if that means being on the floor with him, picking him up when he looks at me with a cute little smile and says "uppa" with his arms raised etc. I need my list to help organize me. And make me accountable.
Perhaps, I'll post it on here someday and you all can help make me accountable as well.
No more procrastinating...work to be done!
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
Oops.
Somewhere in the midst of all that is tired and holy (ICLW week came at a bad week for m!!) I missed my 100th blog post. Oops!
So much for my resolution to pay more attention to details! Thank you for all of you who have spent these last few months "listening" to me, advising me, commiserating with me and, more than likely, taking bets on how screwed up my kid will be :-) I couldn't have survived it without you. If you're new around here--I hope you're around for #200.
The last few days have been rough around here (TUESDAY!! It's really only Tuesday!!). LM's sleep pattern has gone all random on me. He's going down at a consistent time and getting up at one too...but in between, it's some mind-obliterating randomness of getting up between 0 and 2 times a night to eat. Don't hate on the zero though...it's rare and happened like twice but I cling to it as hope that there is a higher power. I just need some order to it all. I need a pattern. My body can't handle not knowing how many times it's getting up a night...I just need to adjust/adapt/survive. The worst is the 415 feeding...when I crawl back into bed around 430, knowing my alarm is going off in 45 minutes. UGH.
Then, there's work. The beginning of the year is rough rough rough...my 24 4,5 & 6 year olds are kicking my butt this year. Maybe it's the group or maybe it's that I haven't taught since February (and let's be honest...those last few weeks were autopilot, while I tried to stay off my Spongebob Squarefeet). All I know is that I feel my energy drain as the day goes on...and it makes me cranky. And I'm taking it on them. I just builds and builds all day and it's so frustrating by the end of the day. I know it gets better...I've just never had to survive this rough patch while so tired.
Then there's TH. We're both exhausted from school so we snap at each other. I just want to play with LM when I get home so I always want to put off dinner. Then, it turns into the "you never cook" argument and goes from there. He also seems to have ZERO sense of radar when it comes to anything remotely involving anything that may or may not result in having to pretend that I want to DTD. Because I don't. I'm tired. It still hurts because I'm still nursing some. AND..I'll say it again..I'm tired. I realize that it's not 100% fair to him so I try to accommodate but it just worsens my mood.
Can you tell I've had a bad day? Because it sucked. Big time. From greasy hair (boo new hair product) to losing my favorite student to not accomplishing anything before school because I.COULD.NOT.GET.A.PARENT.OFF.THE.PHONE to just in general feeling like I can't accomplish anything these days. Oh--and did I mention I found the jumpdrive I was looking for...in the dryer. After I washed it. Yep.
I promise I'm not usually this cranky, complainy etc. I have an amazing life--an awesome baby (even if he didn't nap at all at daycare today so I'm planning on him not sleeping well tonight) and a great husband (who really puts up with a lot of my neurosis), my dream job. But--sometimes...sometimes it all just feels like too much.
I'm a pusher...I push myself to be the best at things. And that doesn't work as a mom. I'm learning that and I'm trying to accept it. But, I'm bad at relinquishing responsibility at work and I won't spend less time with LM...so...I'm at an impasse.
A cranky one.
Tomorrow will be better. It's hump day.
So much for my resolution to pay more attention to details! Thank you for all of you who have spent these last few months "listening" to me, advising me, commiserating with me and, more than likely, taking bets on how screwed up my kid will be :-) I couldn't have survived it without you. If you're new around here--I hope you're around for #200.
The last few days have been rough around here (TUESDAY!! It's really only Tuesday!!). LM's sleep pattern has gone all random on me. He's going down at a consistent time and getting up at one too...but in between, it's some mind-obliterating randomness of getting up between 0 and 2 times a night to eat. Don't hate on the zero though...it's rare and happened like twice but I cling to it as hope that there is a higher power. I just need some order to it all. I need a pattern. My body can't handle not knowing how many times it's getting up a night...I just need to adjust/adapt/survive. The worst is the 415 feeding...when I crawl back into bed around 430, knowing my alarm is going off in 45 minutes. UGH.
Then, there's work. The beginning of the year is rough rough rough...my 24 4,5 & 6 year olds are kicking my butt this year. Maybe it's the group or maybe it's that I haven't taught since February (and let's be honest...those last few weeks were autopilot, while I tried to stay off my Spongebob Squarefeet). All I know is that I feel my energy drain as the day goes on...and it makes me cranky. And I'm taking it on them. I just builds and builds all day and it's so frustrating by the end of the day. I know it gets better...I've just never had to survive this rough patch while so tired.
Then there's TH. We're both exhausted from school so we snap at each other. I just want to play with LM when I get home so I always want to put off dinner. Then, it turns into the "you never cook" argument and goes from there. He also seems to have ZERO sense of radar when it comes to anything remotely involving anything that may or may not result in having to pretend that I want to DTD. Because I don't. I'm tired. It still hurts because I'm still nursing some. AND..I'll say it again..I'm tired. I realize that it's not 100% fair to him so I try to accommodate but it just worsens my mood.
Can you tell I've had a bad day? Because it sucked. Big time. From greasy hair (boo new hair product) to losing my favorite student to not accomplishing anything before school because I.COULD.NOT.GET.A.PARENT.OFF.THE.PHONE to just in general feeling like I can't accomplish anything these days. Oh--and did I mention I found the jumpdrive I was looking for...in the dryer. After I washed it. Yep.
I promise I'm not usually this cranky, complainy etc. I have an amazing life--an awesome baby (even if he didn't nap at all at daycare today so I'm planning on him not sleeping well tonight) and a great husband (who really puts up with a lot of my neurosis), my dream job. But--sometimes...sometimes it all just feels like too much.
I'm a pusher...I push myself to be the best at things. And that doesn't work as a mom. I'm learning that and I'm trying to accept it. But, I'm bad at relinquishing responsibility at work and I won't spend less time with LM...so...I'm at an impasse.
A cranky one.
Tomorrow will be better. It's hump day.
Monday, August 8, 2011
*squints*
Ick. It's early...and I've already been up since 515.
Today starts our first teacher contract day...though technically, I'm still not being paid from maternity leave extension (thank goodness for pro-rated paychecks!).
I feel like the walking dead. After five months of sleep deprivation, no one told me I would have to make coordinated movements--such as makeup--this early. I'm totally down with blearily nursing while surfing the smartphone at this hour...but looking like a human. Yikes.
The real question is...what is LM doing to do when he has to be "gotten up" soon? Will he be a morning person like TH? Or grouchily stay awake up he can fall back asleep like me?
Ugh. I wish we had more money...or less bills/loans/national debt.
Today starts our first teacher contract day...though technically, I'm still not being paid from maternity leave extension (thank goodness for pro-rated paychecks!).
I feel like the walking dead. After five months of sleep deprivation, no one told me I would have to make coordinated movements--such as makeup--this early. I'm totally down with blearily nursing while surfing the smartphone at this hour...but looking like a human. Yikes.
The real question is...what is LM doing to do when he has to be "gotten up" soon? Will he be a morning person like TH? Or grouchily stay awake up he can fall back asleep like me?
Ugh. I wish we had more money...or less bills/loans/national debt.
Monday, May 23, 2011
Can I tell you a secret?
Shh...don't tell anyone...especially TH.
I don't want to go back to work in August. I want to stay home with LM and be a stay at home mom. I never thought I would want that. I LOVE my job--it's truly my dream job. Not only do I get to teach the age group I want but I get to be challenged and have leadership roles (a type A dream!).
But, I can't imagine leaving my little guy. Maybe it's that I've been home since late February (bedrest) and haven't really had contact with school or my kiddos. Maybe it's just that I'm watching LM sleep right now and I can't imagine missing any moment with him.
I'm not a domestic person---I'm a truly uninspired cook. I'm "okay" at housekeeping. I'm def not that fun, organized, patient, creative Mom. So, having my "job" be being in charge of the house and LM isn't exactly something I would excel at. But, it's how I'm feeling right now.
TH has no idea that I'm even considering this. He knows how I feel about my job and how much I enjoy it---and more importantly....that we cannot afford for me to stay home. We both just finished grad school (Can we say student loans!?!) and just finished working on some house remodeling. As I don't know where this is going....I'm not planning on telling him....yet.
I need time to think and weigh it all. I'm going into work to visit and show off LM tomorrow. I may just be reinspired once I get there. This may all pass.
Or...I may have a lot to think about over the summer.
I don't want to go back to work in August. I want to stay home with LM and be a stay at home mom. I never thought I would want that. I LOVE my job--it's truly my dream job. Not only do I get to teach the age group I want but I get to be challenged and have leadership roles (a type A dream!).
But, I can't imagine leaving my little guy. Maybe it's that I've been home since late February (bedrest) and haven't really had contact with school or my kiddos. Maybe it's just that I'm watching LM sleep right now and I can't imagine missing any moment with him.
I'm not a domestic person---I'm a truly uninspired cook. I'm "okay" at housekeeping. I'm def not that fun, organized, patient, creative Mom. So, having my "job" be being in charge of the house and LM isn't exactly something I would excel at. But, it's how I'm feeling right now.
TH has no idea that I'm even considering this. He knows how I feel about my job and how much I enjoy it---and more importantly....that we cannot afford for me to stay home. We both just finished grad school (Can we say student loans!?!) and just finished working on some house remodeling. As I don't know where this is going....I'm not planning on telling him....yet.
I need time to think and weigh it all. I'm going into work to visit and show off LM tomorrow. I may just be reinspired once I get there. This may all pass.
Or...I may have a lot to think about over the summer.
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
Eight more weekdays..
TH has eight more school days left until summer break starts. I'll admit...it's weird to not be counting it down with all of the other teachers--I'm in this weird place where time isn't really time and every day is sorta the same.
That said--in eight more days, I get TH home with us every day until *gulp* we both go back to work in August. I'm looking forward to having another pair of hands for holding and diaper changes. And, I'm REALLY looking forward to the two of them getting the bonding time that LM and I have all day now. LM is changing and growing at such an amazing rate right now and it's going to be a great summer together.
However....I'll admit, I'm a bit nervous about it all. We've got our little "routines" down during the day. Things always get a little thrown off on the weekends when TH is home. LM and I play, hangout and in general, have our own way about things. It'll be weird having that all change....and I'm sure it'll mess with his nighttime sleep schedule. Of course, getting up every two hours like we did last night really can't get much worse :-)
I'm sure it will be great for all three of us to be together....and I'm sure there will be days when I'm ready to wring TH's neck :-)
That said--in eight more days, I get TH home with us every day until *gulp* we both go back to work in August. I'm looking forward to having another pair of hands for holding and diaper changes. And, I'm REALLY looking forward to the two of them getting the bonding time that LM and I have all day now. LM is changing and growing at such an amazing rate right now and it's going to be a great summer together.
However....I'll admit, I'm a bit nervous about it all. We've got our little "routines" down during the day. Things always get a little thrown off on the weekends when TH is home. LM and I play, hangout and in general, have our own way about things. It'll be weird having that all change....and I'm sure it'll mess with his nighttime sleep schedule. Of course, getting up every two hours like we did last night really can't get much worse :-)
I'm sure it will be great for all three of us to be together....and I'm sure there will be days when I'm ready to wring TH's neck :-)
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