Monday, September 24, 2012

Still here...still pregnant.

Barely. I'm 37weeks plus a few with a baby (that despite only being 1.5cm, 50% effaced still last Wednesday) who has dropped so low the doctor tapped her on the head (as a "visual aid" I suppose?) during my last cervical check. My back hurts so bad (from the 30lbs low on my hips and the 26lbs that has become attached to me like the little monkey he is) that I now have v.ic.o.din to take at night when it's bad (only given in once, it makes me nervous!). I now get random nerve pain and may end up going early, which I am not prepared for.


annnnndddd.....best of all---even though I stop work in four days, they have NO SUB for me still.  So I've been running around like crazy organizing, planning, organizing more, creating things to the point that whatever yahoo they find (because at this point, I don't think they have an idea who to find) should be able to teach my kids. BUT--it's stressful because I can't handle leaving my babies to someone not qualified to help them learn as much as possible.

GRR. It was so much more peaceful last time.

xxoo Time to eat a cupcake.

Friday, September 14, 2012

Quick Stat Update

LM had his 18mo well-check this week...but that's "data" for another longer post.

Just wanted to update that the check today showed 1.5 cm dilated and 50% effaced at 36weeks.

Fingers crossed we make it to 38 weeks when I stop work!

Thursday, September 13, 2012

A month?

Really?? A month left??? Yikers.

Can't wait to find out tomorrow if I'm dilated at all...fingers crossed no/not much because in the 11 days I have left at work, I've got TOO much to do.

Wednesday, September 5, 2012

Paranoia

The last few days, I've been walking around as a super fun nesting, paranoid lady. Well, scratch that part, I'm not nesting at home but rather at school. I went on a cleaning/organizing binge in my classroom--creating all sorts of tasks for myself to work on instead of the multitude I still need to accomplish in the next 3.25 weeks. My house...now it's a mess. LM is waaayy into "cleaning" with his tiny play kitchen rags, so I'm thinking about just giving him some pledge and letting him have at my bookshelves. It may be the only way it's happening around here :-)

Ladies in my October Due Date group are starting to have babies...granted, it's mostly twins and the singlets that were high-risk or have become high-risk. But, coupled with the excruciating back pain today with every step I take and let's just say...some digestive issues tonight that reminded me of the "cleansing of the body" that took place during labor.....well, I just get paranoid that I'm not baking as well as I think.  I don't go back to the doctor until next Friday (my last every two week visit) and I'm excited (yeah, weird, I know) for my first cervical check. I NEED.TO.KNOW where I'm at. I pretty much don't even notice the BHicks anymore, they happen that often. Last time, at my first cervical check I was a fingertip dilated and by the next week, I was 2cm--which started the "maybe it's time to stop work conversation (that and the giant swollen sponge.bob squarefeet action).

I'm over-thinking this all...and rambling.

Perhaps it's that I STILL don't have a sub (though my Principal swears she's interviewing). Perhaps it's that I seem to by lacking the motivation to finish the sub plans I need to leave for the first two weeks (I'm 75% done with one week), despite the fact that the last two weekends, that's been my goal. It's just so tedious to type out each and every detail about each and every day for my little ones. But, like I said, the nesting at school is helping me at least get my room ready. I suppose I could always finish my plans while in labor :-)

Or maybe it's just that I'm scared. Scared of the birth process again...it was "too smooth" last time. Surely, it won't be as straightforward, short and "well-timed". I'm also scared of how it will change our family---LM has been acting out at daycare when she's been having to take care of the 3mo old baby. He's such a mama/daddy boy...I feel awful for changing his world so much when he has no idea what to expect. I'm scared that I won't be able to pick him up much longer without hurting myself. I'm also scared that I won't be good enough as a mom to 2. I barely scrape by as a wife...and I've been having incredible guilt at the things TH has had to take over to help me out at this point (though, I know he's trying to just give me a break). But, I'm already not a cook, cleaning isn't my priority (though I'm tidy and pickup after myself, I just don't like to spend time cleaning cleaning on the weekends) and I'm not the organized, pinterest type of wife. I want to be...I'm just not. And I worry that it's going to get worse. And that it will affect my marriage. I realize I should stop worrying...especially when I read posts and blogs about moms to be and how they kept calm and worry-free and how it's making their babies better ("than mine" the fine print screams at me). PS is going to come out with a ticky-eye like I've developed and afraid of talking out and having to turn her behavior card :-)

To end on a positive note (not that anyone is still reading past this yammering), we do have a name! MIL HATES it, but what's new? And, baby-wise, we really only have to install the carseat(s), bring up the swing and we can survive her arrival. AND--I'm huge. None of my maternity clothes fit right anymore but apparently, that just makes people comment on how nice I look (or perhaps that's the crazed look in my eyes that frightens the compliment out of them!) which makes me feel better.

LM is 18 months today....A YEAR and a friggin HALF. Holy Moly. I'm 34+3days pregnant and still looking for a cute way to share it on FB!

Tuesday, August 21, 2012

A Hungry Letter

Dear TH's Friends:
I've got no problem with you all going out after work to have a couple drinks---I'm a teacher too, I know how hard the week is. In fact, it's because I like most of you that I forgave TH for being a bit antsy/cranky for the fact that I got home later than expected from my hair appt (Every eight weeks I go do something for myself and he gets cranky because he's "behind"..men!).

BUT--when you all decide to all leave at the same time, quicker than normal and I don't get my Tuesday Tacos because they don't do them to-go and since the checks were done, TH couldn't order it as a "meal"....well, then. That's just a plain ole declaration of war to a pregnant woman.

Please do not do it again---I'm pretty sure I can use hormones and tacos as a defense in court.

Love,
Me

Sunday, August 19, 2012

Eight isn't enough

Eight weeks. That's how much time (in theory) we have left until Pumpkin Seed is here. While that may seem like a LOOOONG time, and it is nearly an entire grading period, it's not enough!

I'm starting to freak out a bit about what I need to accomplish in that timeframe....oh and then chop two weeks off for when I'm planning on stopping working.

Planning. That's the key word. All this is about what I've planned to happen, when I've planned for it to happen and how I've planned for it to happen. And we all know what happens when we make our own plan. *kerpow* (that's the sound of a plan exploding).

I should know by now (after 17months of parenthood) that NOTHING goes as you plan. You make plans, your child changes them, you adapt and we all go about our merry sleep-deprived ways. But yet, I keep making plans.

It goes a little something like this...
Self (to self): "I'll stop working at the start of October, two weeks before DD just like my OB recommends. It'll be no problem getting all of the children assessed, their report cards done and come in after I start maternity leave for the big evening conferences."

Self (to self): "Umm...what about all of the other day to day school work that is growing exponentially as the school district keeps coming up with new and special things for you to do on top of everything else?"

Self (to self): "Ehh. No problem. I'll get it done. Suuure, I've got 28 students who have more issues than I realized (and realize more everyday). But, I'll get it done. Maaaybe I won't come in for conferences, but then I'll need to create a little letter for each report card talking about skills."

Self (loudly to self): "Seriously. Shut up. You're more and more exhausted as the days go by and not even sure that you'll make it until October. You have a million classroom things to do to get organized enough to leave it to someone else, NO SUB, two FULL weeks of detailed sub plans to write, regular stuff to do lesson wise, curriculum maps to update, a wild 17mo old at home that you can't lift without your back hurting but yet refuse to not pick him up AND have yet to name the baby".

Self (to self): "Oooh....I have a new idea for a neat station. I'll do that instead of working on everything else!"

Self (to self): *facepalm*

So...obviously, a bit freaked out about my lack of ability (or rather my inability) to move forward instead of side to side. I did accomplish a bit step today by finishing up my uber-detailed document of everything (procedures, day to day, etc) you need to know about my classroom. Luckily, the updating from last time didn't actually take as long as I thought. But, it's amazing what all has changed between babies. So, that should help. I plan (there's that word again!!) to make a detailed to-do list (separate from all my other to-do lists) about what needs to be accomplished before I can start my maternity leave when I get to school tomorrow. Hopefully, it's not as long as I imagine it is in my head.

And, on top of it all, I've got to start taking it easy. I'm feeling worn down, beaten down and scared that I'm being too hard on my body. I just can't leave all of those other people's babies left unattended for 9+ weeks without knowing they'll be in good hands, with everything they need to succeed. And I can't not spend tons of time playing with my baby..even if that means being on the floor with him, picking him up when he looks at me with a cute little smile and says "uppa" with his arms raised etc. I need my list to help organize me. And make me accountable.

Perhaps, I'll post it on here someday and you all can help make me accountable as well.

No more procrastinating...work to be done!


Monday, August 13, 2012

Still here

I'm still here....

School is kicking my butt. I have 28 kindergarteners who (as always) have come to me either knowing nothing (including the one who couldn't tell me her name!) or lots, with a few sprinkled in the middle with some average skill knowledge...and light years to go by May.

My feet have started swelling and I had to take off my engagement ring this week. I've been having Braxton-Hicks contractions on and off all day, every day. I've tried to up my water intake and sit down more...but I'm just not succeeding. Anytime I sit down, trouble starts up somewhere in my room. I go to the doctor Wednesday so hopefully we can talk about how many BH is too many, what I can do to make sure I make it to my planned stopping point of Oct1 etc. I'm also feeling STRA-ESSED about being ready for maternity leave--especially since the beginning of the year is so busy with day to day stuff that I can't even start getting lesson plans ready for a sub. AAK!

So, that's where I'm at.

Tuesday, August 7, 2012

No one mentioned...

that after 17months of wishing for LM to sleep longer, more, earlier, at all---that I'd be sad that he's tired so early these days and I get so little time with him after work. Last year, he stayed up until 830ish each night (and yes, slept crappy) and now he's down for the count by 715 (and sleeping better). And I miss him!!!

Who would've thought I'd be sad about sleep?? Somewhere an exhausted new mama thinks I'm nutso!

Monday, August 6, 2012

200!!

My oh my! How did we ever get to 200 posts with how crappy a blogger I am! I wish I had a witty, savvy post for this occasion but school is exhausting me (back pain and swelling already...gulp) and I still had to bring work home even though I worked extra hard after school so this will have to suffice!

Thank you ladies for sticking by me for these last 200 posts....even though they are few and far between. I appreciate being able to have a space to get it all out and know that people are reading about it and caring what happens...even with as super busy as their lives are.

You are very much appreciated and special to me (all 16 of you!).

Sunday, August 5, 2012

17 months old today!

LM is 17mo today....how the heck did that happen?? We're also 10 weeks from meeting his still unnamed little sister.

Seventeen months is an age that is both amazing and makes me want to pull my hair out. Or perhaps that's just my 17 month old! We started back to school last week so it's a time of changes again around here. We were utterly spoiled to both be lucky enough to spend all summer home with LM. The changes daily in him were amazing to be a part of.

Here's a "snapshot" of where LM is today.
Food: He loves to eat just about anything we eat or he can get his hands on. Fruit is still his favorite (strawberries and bananas especially). He has developed a soft spot for hot dogs and chicken nuggets but will eat almost anything--including spicy things like jalapeno chips and salsa. He drinks his whole milk like it's nobody's business. We've finally graduated to him being willing to drink out of any of his sippy cups (and we have quite a few for him to choose from!). He likes his water out of a straw cup. He's had juice(s) and whatnot but we rarely give him these. He's beginning to use a plate at meals without throwing it (and all his food) on the floor. He'll hold a spoon or fork but doesn't really get how to use it yet.

Sleep: He started STTN shortly after summer break started (around 15mo old), which also coincided with dropping the bedtime bottle. But--it also was around the time he got to sleep in as late as he wanted and not be woken up at 615 every morning. Throughout the summer he was sleep from about 8-8 (or 830-830, 9-9 etc) with 1-2 naps a day. He would either do one long 2.5-3 hour nap midday or two shorter naps (and somedays when mama was particular flexible he'd go down for nap waaay later than he should and stay up late!). Now that we're back in the work schedule/daycare schedule, he's been taking two naps (about 1.5 and 2 hours respectively) that I expect would be longer if he had his way but when you're not the only kid around, sleeping through "lunchtime" doesn't exactly work. We've been working hard to try to get him down for bed around 730, as we learned how important getting close to 12 hours seemed to be to him sleeping without waking up (and can I tell you how wonderful that was...after so so so long of him still waking up for paci's etc every night). He's beginning to get cranky around 7 so maybe we need to start earlier...it's just hard when we're gone all day. But, we're only one week in, so we'll see how things adjust. He sleeps with two paci's (one in the mouth, one backup), his monkey blanket and a small plush care bear (which he ADORES and lays there rubbing it's little hard heart nose and "butt" heart). He is only using the paci at sleeptimes or occasionally when we're out and he's really tired. We read Goodnight Moon everynight, snuggle and lay him down. Sometimes he falls right asleep, other times he lays and plays for awhile quietly with his Care Bear (yes, we broke down and got the video monitor...another post!).
Words: The child is a word fiend! He may have been slow to do everything gross motor but he is verbal! He's very big into labeling things---saying "ehh?" and pointing to pictures in books and things he wants to know what they are. He's really big into those "First 100 words/animals/random pictures" books. He is mimicking like crazy (time to start watching my mouth!!). Below is a list of words he can say (starred are the ones that probably are only understood to us). And yes, I'm typing them how you can read them and not in babyspeak!
  • mama, dada, buca (dog's name)
  • clock, chair, blanket
  • monkey, elephant* (ella), doggie, fish*, tiger, cat*, bunny* (bunn)
  • baa, maaa, neigh, woof (though he can point to a BUNCH more animals when asked, including some weird ones like kangaroo and octopus)
  • bus, car, up, go, help* (elpa)
  • ball, basketball*, bike* (bite)
  • dinner* (dinn), banana, strawberry* (berry), snack* (nack), more* (nana)
  • star, heart
  • hot, hop* (ho)
  • nono, uh-uh, yes* (es), yaya
  • gentle* (nenle)
  • Several names of kids at daycare
  • Open, on, off*
  • Clean up* (keen up)
  • All gone, all done
  • Eye, nose* (noz), mouth* (mof), arm, hand* (han) but can also ID head, hair and ears through pointing.
There are more---I just can't think of them. Obviously, we're very verbal, just missing a lot of sounds still (though totally developmentally appropriate). I love my little talker!
Favorites: books, books, books! Balls, climbing on EVERYTHING (seriously, we had to move the kitchen chairs outside of the gate because I got tired of hauling him off the table), dancing and we're starting to get into puzzles.
Super cool things: I love how much he "knows" and can show...even if not say. I love that he can identify pictures of things in books, go get something when we tell him what it's by and that he's starting to make his wants known (go dada)
Non-super cool things: He LOVES to not listen....say nono about something and do it anyway...look at you and smile that "naughty" smile and proceed to do something scary/heartstopping. The hitting is almost totally gone but biting has reappeared with the appearance of the SEVEN new teeth he sprouted this summer. I think it's our "teacher karma" to have a kid this stubborn :-)
Newest milestones: Spinning around in circles when dancing, somersaults and labeling all the no-nos in the house (not that he listens to them!) He also will carry his clothes to the laundry basket when asked.
Gross Motor: Walking up a storm--fast too! He still monkey crawls occasionally (though we're discouraging it after the PT mentioned that it probably contributed to his neck muscle development turning into torticollis) and pushing for him to crawl on knees. He's still really unsteady (maybe the speed?) but brave as all get out. He climbs stairs (up and down) easily--though not unattended. He walked across the (fenced) backyard the other day to get to his slide (usually he would just stay at the bottom of the steps) and didn't even look back to see if I was going to follow him. He can climb EVERYTHING and is trying to get the child-locks off.  He can also turn off the light switches when given a chance.

Basically---little man is rockin the changes every day. It's crazy and somedays I just can't handle how fast he's growing. I know things are about to change around here and it's scary how I'll have to divide my love and attention. I love him to pieces (even though he's naughty these days!) and can't wait to see him grow more!