Monday, September 24, 2012

Still here...still pregnant.

Barely. I'm 37weeks plus a few with a baby (that despite only being 1.5cm, 50% effaced still last Wednesday) who has dropped so low the doctor tapped her on the head (as a "visual aid" I suppose?) during my last cervical check. My back hurts so bad (from the 30lbs low on my hips and the 26lbs that has become attached to me like the little monkey he is) that I now have v.ic.o.din to take at night when it's bad (only given in once, it makes me nervous!). I now get random nerve pain and may end up going early, which I am not prepared for. of all---even though I stop work in four days, they have NO SUB for me still.  So I've been running around like crazy organizing, planning, organizing more, creating things to the point that whatever yahoo they find (because at this point, I don't think they have an idea who to find) should be able to teach my kids. BUT--it's stressful because I can't handle leaving my babies to someone not qualified to help them learn as much as possible.

GRR. It was so much more peaceful last time.

xxoo Time to eat a cupcake.

Friday, September 14, 2012

Quick Stat Update

LM had his 18mo well-check this week...but that's "data" for another longer post.

Just wanted to update that the check today showed 1.5 cm dilated and 50% effaced at 36weeks.

Fingers crossed we make it to 38 weeks when I stop work!

Thursday, September 13, 2012

A month?

Really?? A month left??? Yikers.

Can't wait to find out tomorrow if I'm dilated at all...fingers crossed no/not much because in the 11 days I have left at work, I've got TOO much to do.

Wednesday, September 5, 2012


The last few days, I've been walking around as a super fun nesting, paranoid lady. Well, scratch that part, I'm not nesting at home but rather at school. I went on a cleaning/organizing binge in my classroom--creating all sorts of tasks for myself to work on instead of the multitude I still need to accomplish in the next 3.25 weeks. My it's a mess. LM is waaayy into "cleaning" with his tiny play kitchen rags, so I'm thinking about just giving him some pledge and letting him have at my bookshelves. It may be the only way it's happening around here :-)

Ladies in my October Due Date group are starting to have babies...granted, it's mostly twins and the singlets that were high-risk or have become high-risk. But, coupled with the excruciating back pain today with every step I take and let's just say...some digestive issues tonight that reminded me of the "cleansing of the body" that took place during labor.....well, I just get paranoid that I'm not baking as well as I think.  I don't go back to the doctor until next Friday (my last every two week visit) and I'm excited (yeah, weird, I know) for my first cervical check. I NEED.TO.KNOW where I'm at. I pretty much don't even notice the BHicks anymore, they happen that often. Last time, at my first cervical check I was a fingertip dilated and by the next week, I was 2cm--which started the "maybe it's time to stop work conversation (that and the giant swollen sponge.bob squarefeet action).

I'm over-thinking this all...and rambling.

Perhaps it's that I STILL don't have a sub (though my Principal swears she's interviewing). Perhaps it's that I seem to by lacking the motivation to finish the sub plans I need to leave for the first two weeks (I'm 75% done with one week), despite the fact that the last two weekends, that's been my goal. It's just so tedious to type out each and every detail about each and every day for my little ones. But, like I said, the nesting at school is helping me at least get my room ready. I suppose I could always finish my plans while in labor :-)

Or maybe it's just that I'm scared. Scared of the birth process was "too smooth" last time. Surely, it won't be as straightforward, short and "well-timed". I'm also scared of how it will change our family---LM has been acting out at daycare when she's been having to take care of the 3mo old baby. He's such a mama/daddy boy...I feel awful for changing his world so much when he has no idea what to expect. I'm scared that I won't be able to pick him up much longer without hurting myself. I'm also scared that I won't be good enough as a mom to 2. I barely scrape by as a wife...and I've been having incredible guilt at the things TH has had to take over to help me out at this point (though, I know he's trying to just give me a break). But, I'm already not a cook, cleaning isn't my priority (though I'm tidy and pickup after myself, I just don't like to spend time cleaning cleaning on the weekends) and I'm not the organized, pinterest type of wife. I want to be...I'm just not. And I worry that it's going to get worse. And that it will affect my marriage. I realize I should stop worrying...especially when I read posts and blogs about moms to be and how they kept calm and worry-free and how it's making their babies better ("than mine" the fine print screams at me). PS is going to come out with a ticky-eye like I've developed and afraid of talking out and having to turn her behavior card :-)

To end on a positive note (not that anyone is still reading past this yammering), we do have a name! MIL HATES it, but what's new? And, baby-wise, we really only have to install the carseat(s), bring up the swing and we can survive her arrival. AND--I'm huge. None of my maternity clothes fit right anymore but apparently, that just makes people comment on how nice I look (or perhaps that's the crazed look in my eyes that frightens the compliment out of them!) which makes me feel better.

LM is 18 months today....A YEAR and a friggin HALF. Holy Moly. I'm 34+3days pregnant and still looking for a cute way to share it on FB!