From here to there...

It's hard for me to figure out what to write these days. LM is growing and changing like crazy. I'm filled with millions of updates I want to share with you---like how he started bringing us books to read him. He's always loved books and loves being read to but this is the first time he's started crawling to us (angrily usually, as he hasn't quite got the crawling with big objects thing down yet) to have them read to him. But--my mind is consumed with this pregnancy. The paranoia of not having a beta, the paranoia that comes with the faint faint spotting that happened for a bit today (old, brown spotting, not the scary red, fresh kind) and all of the other things running through my mind a million times a day.

I struggle to have the energy these days to make it through the day...let alone even get on my computer if this last week was any indication. Between work, playing with LM non-stop after coming home, dinner, life and then 1st tri exhaustion, I know it's going to be hard to update the blog as much as I want to. And I do want to--not only is it cathartic, but I love the chronology of it. With this in mind, it makes it even more difficult to decide what to post about. This place started as a parenting after IF space...a nook in the world for me to share my thoughts, fears and experiences---both to have a place to say the things that I have no one else to say them too AND on the off chance that someone stumbles upon it and happened to read the one thing they needed to hear when their baby WILL not sleep like everyone elses and they're losing their mind (have I mentioned that we're not going to sleep well and waking up crying at night again??).

I need to find a way to strike a balance between chronicling this pregnancy (which I wish I had done with LM) and still giving LM his share in the spotlight. I'm not sure how this is done....and maybe I'll get better about posting more.

But, let's try.

I'm 7w pregnant today....exhausted, vaguely nauseous when I don't get enough protein/get hungry, cold ALL the time and still trying to wrap my brain around this scary/crazy/exciting journey we've detoured down.

LM turns 1 (ONE, did you read that!!????) a week from tomorrow. We're planning his party (next Sunday) and existing in a state of shock that we're here already. I'm crushed that I'll be at work on his actual birthday. It makes me cry to think about it. But, since I'm taking a 1/2 day later in the week for his pedi appt and then another 1/2 day the next week for my u/s and dr appt, I really can't.  I even thought about seeing if someone could cover my room for 45 min or so and then I'd stay at daycare with him until his birth time. But--I don't see it happening. I can't believe this year has flown by---how did it happen??

I read a statistic in a magazine today about how many Saturdays you get with your child between birth and then leaving for college---it was somewhere in the 900's but I hate the idea that so many of them are gone.  Bleh.  Too many hormones to think about this.

That's my update for today....I hope I will be better this week about sharing all of the thoughts bouncing around in my head.

TGIF

I'm so glad this week is over. Thank you so much for all of your comments on my last post. There were just so many little things that added up this week....I was just feeling really low. Thank goodness for you ladies!

It's finally Friday and we've had a nice relaxing evening...despite LM having a cold and ramping up on the teething front. He stayed up much later than normal (even though I did faithfully try to put him down when around his "bedtime") laughing, playing and watching football :-) Then, he ate, snuggled up and passed out in my arms. I love that. It's my favorite thing.

I can't believe he's almost six months.

Thank you again...reading your comments on my phone at work as they came in really brightened my mood. Thank you for taking the time to comment.

Six to the nth degree

Sometimes TH thinks I'm a little crazy....

Sometimes he's right :-)

But, as far a blogging goes, he thinks it's a little bit crazy.  To him, he doesn't see why I would record all my thoughts out there for everyone to read...or maybe he's implying that no one actually wants to read my thoughts :-)  Hmm..I'll have to ask him!

But---there are six of you that read this openly (2 followers, 4 Google Reader readers) and so I pointed out to him that there are six people out in the world who like to read what I write...even if it is because of the same desire that makes people crane their necks to see an accident scene on the highway :-) 

And that is six more people in this world who will tell me if I've gone crazy, share advice/experiences etc and, most importantly, know that my LM exists.  My FTM adventures may not be very exciting sometimes and what I write about may not be very earth-shattering but with so many people in the world, it's nice to carve out our own little niche--where to six people, my LM might just be someone they enjoy reading about.

So dear husband...crazy or not...I write. Because I can, because I don't want to forget and because maybe one day my special six will gain something from it, as I have gained tidbits from the blogs I read.

Not so silent Sunday

Alright, so the whole "silent Sunday" thing didn't last long. I love the idea...but frankly, it's too hard to find pictures that don't "show" LM. While it's not that I don't totally trust everyone on the internet.....wait, no...that is why. I love my readers but just feel better not showing my LM.

So...on that note...I hereby retire Silent Sunday.

The power of the blog...

I'm a realistic person (despite what my family and friends might say!) and I realize that the person who reads my blog the most is me.

Reading blogs has gotten me through a lot of tough times...adjusting to some personal life changes, trying to conceive, pregnancy and now motherhood. I've learned a lot--especially all of the IF blogs I read/still read. These blogs gave me the power of information--even though my journey did not include IUIs/IVF--the amazing ladies I've been reading have made me informed about the medical logistics AND (more importantly) the emotional struggles. Reading blogs and developing connections has made me a better person (and certainly a lot less naive of one!)

Many of the people I follow have talked about the cathartic release of writing a blog and this is what eventually encouraged me to start writing my own.  I know the pressures of first time motherhood will be overwhelming and there will be things I just cannot say to anyone else.  Being able to write these things down...and really get them out there...has been an amazing release.

And if this blog never develops a following and becomes more of a personal journal, that will be okay because I will have put my thoughts/fears/experiences out there in the universe.
But--if you are reading this--hello! welcome! Please stay!! I love you! :-)