Tuesday, August 23, 2011


Somewhere in the midst of all that is tired and holy (ICLW week came at a bad week for m!!) I missed my 100th blog post. Oops!

So much for my resolution to pay more attention to details! Thank you for all of you who have spent these last few months "listening" to me, advising me, commiserating with me and, more than likely, taking bets on how screwed up my kid will be :-) I couldn't have survived it without you. If you're new around here--I hope you're around for #200.

The last few days have been rough around here (TUESDAY!! It's really only Tuesday!!). LM's sleep pattern has gone all random on me. He's going down at a consistent time and getting up at one too...but in between, it's some mind-obliterating randomness of getting up between 0 and 2 times a night to eat. Don't hate on the zero though...it's rare and happened like twice but I cling to it as hope that there is a higher power. I just need some order to it all. I need a pattern. My body can't handle not knowing how many times it's getting up a night...I just need to adjust/adapt/survive. The worst is the 415 feeding...when I crawl back into bed around 430, knowing my alarm is going off in 45 minutes. UGH.

Then, there's work. The beginning of the year is rough rough rough...my 24 4,5 & 6 year olds are kicking my butt this year. Maybe it's the group or maybe it's that I haven't taught since February (and let's be honest...those last few weeks were autopilot, while I tried to stay off my Spongebob Squarefeet). All I know is that I feel my energy drain as the day goes on...and it makes me cranky. And I'm taking it on them. I just builds and builds all day and it's so frustrating by the end of the day. I know it gets better...I've just never had to survive this rough patch while so tired.

Then there's TH. We're both exhausted from school so we snap at each other. I just want to play with LM when I get home so I always want to put off dinner. Then, it turns into the "you never cook" argument and goes from there. He also seems to have ZERO sense of radar when it comes to anything remotely involving anything that may or may not result in having to pretend that I want to DTD. Because I don't. I'm tired. It still hurts because I'm still nursing some. AND..I'll say it again..I'm tired. I realize that it's not 100% fair to him so I try to accommodate but it just worsens my mood.

Can you tell I've had a bad day? Because it sucked. Big time. From greasy hair (boo new hair product) to losing my favorite student to not accomplishing anything before school because I.COULD.NOT.GET.A.PARENT.OFF.THE.PHONE to just in general feeling like I can't accomplish anything these days. Oh--and did I mention I found the jumpdrive I was looking for...in the dryer. After I washed it. Yep.

I promise I'm not usually this cranky, complainy etc. I have an amazing life--an awesome baby (even if he didn't nap at all at daycare today so I'm planning on him not sleeping well tonight) and a great husband (who really puts up with a lot of my neurosis), my dream job. But--sometimes...sometimes it all just feels like too much.

I'm a pusher...I push myself to be the best at things. And that doesn't work as a mom. I'm learning that and I'm trying to accept it. But, I'm bad at relinquishing responsibility at work and I won't spend less time with LM...so...I'm at an impasse.

A cranky one.

Tomorrow will be better. It's hump day.


  1. Can I say again how amazing I think you are for being a mama and a teacher at the same time??? When I was a teacher I felt like I was a part time mama to 25 kids, I cannot imagine how hard it is to go home and be a mama there as well. Hang in there!!!!!!!!

  2. It does get better... not necessarily easier, but it does get better. Hang in there!


  3. *hugs*

    I'm sorry you have had such a bad day. I hope tomorrow is better for.

    I get really cranky when I'm tired too. Hopefully your little man sleeps through the night again for you,

  4. I'm sorry you've had such a rough day. Take some deep breaths, you are transitioning a lot right now. Between moving LM to different food, going back to school (both of you!) it is big. Give yourself a bit of a break and a BIG hug.

    I think you know you have to rearrange some things, and part of that may be to designate (not "relinquish") some things at work to some of your coworkers. :) You talked about enjoying the time you spend with your coworkers during your breaks in the post about transitioning to formula... so my guess is they are great at what they do, and care about you, and would be happy to assist you.

    Here's hoping you get some great, solid sleep and have a fresh start tomorrow! *hugs*

  5. I feel like I'm in good company having just missed my blogoversary! LOL Thankfully there will be others. Hang in there! (Visiting from ICLW)

  6. i hope that sleeping schedule regulates soon :(

  7. I hope your week gets better. It's crazy how much a lack of sleep can affect everything.

    Life in the White House

  8. Things will get better! It took quite some for me to get my daughter on her natural schedule without it killing me. After that sorted out I was able to get more sleep and not only did I start to feel better but, my outlook on life was better too.

    ICLW #110

  9. I missed my blogoversary too! And your post reminded me that I am 18 posts over 100. Hmmm maybe if I don't fess up I can still throw myself a happy Blogoversary party...

    I'm sorry you're having a rough time of it. I think as women we naturally push and try to do it all. And yes, it is hump day. Two more days until the weekend!!

    I found your blog thanks to ICLW!

  10. I am so sorry that you are having a round time.

    I hope that soon enough your little one is letting you get a full night sleep every night!!

    Happy ICLW

  11. This is all normal of having a baby, it's sad but true.... Your baby is ONLY this age once and you will MISS IT for the rest of your life, trust me! And eventually, you'll find your rhythm of a schedule and things will fall into place.... and trust me, at this point - if you hubby wants to DTD... he needs to put a little effort into romancing you first... then maybe you'd take off the chastity belt! Heehehe...


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