Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Oh really, lady at Target.

So we're happily ensconced in the whole using T.arget Up and Up formula for LM...especially considering that we must must must use the rice starch version to help LM not spit up as much (though it's much much better) and the namebrand version is expensive. I work right by a T.arget that not only seems to always been well-stocked in the orange canister that we love so dearly and seems to have the biggest selection of our baby food as well. I'm not sure why the other ones only stock a few but this one has all of the mango varieties that LM adores. So usually, I can stop right by there and pick up things on the way home when we're running low. It also gives me a chance to wander around the aisles for a bit, enjoying my favorite store in a baby-free manner.

But..I digress. This weekend however, we were at our local store to pick up some more baby food, beer and a scarf I've been eye-balling for awhile (and yes, I realize that's a weird shopping list) and we decided to stock up on formula since TH was there to haul it inside etc. For some reason, our version doesn't come in the big canisters so it takes twice as many (if you're reading this Target gods, please please make a big orange one!)

So, with our cart full of 6 canisters (amongst other things), we proceeded to the checkout. As the cashier rang up our items, she looked at LM (adorably cooing and giggling) and said (in a baby talking voice) "You're an expensive little one, you know that?!".

I just smiled and handed over my coupons, supposing that it's just her cranky version of small talk. THEN--she said to me "No vouchers or checks?". I replied that no, Target doesn't have those, so it was just my $1 off coupons and that it still is much cheaper (sidenote--$5+ cheaper!) than the name brands.

She paused....gave me a look and then said.."Well, you know there are ways around having to buy all of this stuff. Some people choose to do what's best for their baby". UMMM....WTF cashier lady.

So, in my best snarky voice, I replied "Well, since he was adopted, it wasn't an option for us. So please mind your own business."

Okay....I didn't really. I'm not that quick on my feet. What really happened, was that I just stared at her for a second incredulously and chose to just hand over my credit card, pay and leave.

She said it so quietly that TH didn't hear her so as I fumed quietly all of the way out to the car, he kept giving me looks. I finally explained what she said and he said that while it was b.itchy, she was older and probably didn't really realize how it could have been offensive.

I wish I had had a good comeback for her. I wish that I could've at least told her that it was rude to say that to people....that you never know people's backstory....what they may have struggled with or how they came about their baby.  We didn't have trouble breastfeeding, but lots of people do and can't for some reason or another. You can't just say things like that to people....insinuate that they are not good mothers because they are giving their baby formula.  YOU JUST CANNOT.

I should've told her off. I was just too surprised that she would judge me. We may not have nursed for a year but I still made it longer than my original plan...after that, any extra day was a gift. I know that I made the best choice for LM and myself and I'm okay with how things have unfolded for us.

But.....things like that still make me feel tiny inside. They make me question whether I did the right...made the right choice. NO ONE should judge people in a way that makes them feel that way. That's not what being a mother is about...it's not about making people feel like less of a good mother because they made different choices than you. This must be why new moms worry so much. How can we measure up to the standards everyone sets for us? It should just be enough to make sincere, well-thought out decisions for your family. As long as no one is being hurt in anyway, people need to support...not cut down.

I know we all judge people in our heads....I guess this lady needs to learn how to keep it there. I wish I had told her so.


  1. I'm still amazed at the things people feel like they can say or do once you have kids. Especially about breastfeeding. I'm angry for you at this woman. I don't care how old someone is, there are certain things you keep your mouth shut about. I actually stopped telling people that I was still breastfeeding Bean over a year because I got responses that made me uncomfortable too. It isn't right, and it needs to stop, but unfortunately it won't anytime soon. Don't feel bad though! You have done nothing wrong. You did the right thing for your family and you shouldn't feel bad about that for a minute.

  2. I've been waiting for this judgment to come in against me, because we bottle-feed Cole. He was never breastfed - he CAN'T, and my milk never fully came in. Thankfully it hasn't come down yet, but I already know I'm not shy when it comes to lashing back at people. I even already have my line prepared, since I had to use it BEFORE he was born when we were on WIC. I stole it from Mel: Formula allows me to have a living child instead of a corpse. Yes, it's blunt and brutal, but it's also true.

    *hugs* You and only you (and possibly TH) know what is right for you and your family. You will make decisions as best as you can, be the best mom that you can, and anyone who tries to insinuate otherwise can go suck an egg!

  3. omg omg omg!!!! that is so effing rude!! as if this bitch has any idea why you are formula feeding! some people are so ignorant, you'll just have to take comfort in knowing that lady is STUPID, you should feel sorry for her and her stupid self. oh my god, this pisses me off so much i can barely see!

  4. Thanks ladies! I'm still stunned that she said it. I wish wish wish I had thought of a quick comeback---I guess I just assume that people will keep their mouths shut unless they have something nice to say....or at least mumble it behind my back!! I appreciate you all reminding me to ignore the "douchecanoes" of the world and be confident in my choices. Next time though...I'll be ready for her!

  5. I saw this and had to read it since I work for Target. WHAT A BITCH! She shouldn't have said anything like that in general but definitely not as a cashier checking out a guest. You keep crap to yourself!

    Like you, I can never think of the snarky comeback when it matters most :)


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