Wednesday, July 18, 2012

A Different Perspective

As I sat in the waiting room at the OB's office for the 3 hours today, I got a lot of people watching in. The office was a steady stream of people--especially because my Dr had a sick child and had to leave at lunchtime so they were trying to squeeze in her afternoon people.

I don't spend a lot of time in the waiting room (thank goodness) so it really was the first opportunity I had to just watch and observe.

I remember what it was like when I was going for visits when we first started having trouble TTC. I hated seeing baby bellies or couples pouring over u/s photos. Luckily, my work schedule kept my visits at the time of day they don't do a ton of OB visits. However, it hurt to see. Once we finally were pregnant, I remember the first time of walking in, being told to leave my sample and waiting with TH to see the u/s tech for our "dating" ultrasound. We were clearly nervous and the only couple in the waiting room. After the u/s, you wait in the waiting room again for the OB to review things and then you have an appt with her (with a nurse visit for family history and bloodwork right after the u/s). I remember sitting in the waiting room analyzing our little blob--peering closely at the picture trying to see more than was there.

Today, there was a steady stream of "couples" that came in for this exact purpose. You could spot them as soon as they walked in--a still skinny nervous looking woman and a wary looking man (what man feels truly at ease at the OB-GYN?) checking in and sitting nervously holding hands. They'd be called back and hurry towards the US tech at the door like she might close the door and walk away before they made it there. A bit later, out they'd come with their strip of 3-4 pictures and they'd huddle together checking them out---often taking cell phone pictures.

It used to be us. This last time with little pumpkin seed, we still did this...but it was different. There were a couple of couples there with a young child in tow and there was a distinct difference between first timers and been theres.

In contrast, thus pretty much ended the parade of husbands/significant others (with the exception of one couple who seemed like they were there for the 20w growth scan based off her size and the number of photos she came back with). Every other pregnant person was more business like---check in, pee in a cup and wait your turn. There was plenty of waddling and subtle belly size checking out of the other women in the room but mostly, they could've been women waiting for anything. Even the few who came by themselves with other children in tow were missing that initial glow that people have when being pregnant is new and exciting and scary. Sure, there are visible nerves sometimes and no one looks downright unhappy to be there (well, except one lady who I heard the receptionist greet in a way that told me she was overdue)....but somewhere along the line of pregnancy (first or otherwise), we seem to change.

Perhaps as our outer appearance changes, it begins to reflect our inside changes---shifting from the OMG we're (finally) having a baby to dealing with some of the regular day to day decisions that come with it, on top of living your daily life. Reality sets in and casts a shadow over pregnancy. There are still those shining moments...u/s peeks, showers, baby kicks, finishing the nursery, being close to/giving birth...but there is a lot of time in between where you are just pregnant.

And until today, I didn't realize what it looked like.  To me, it helped me understand more why this pregnancy has been different. The "adrenaline" lasted longer with LM. I'm sure it faded too...but there were so many new things, it wasn't as noticeable. Watching people today, I see how it's easier for me to feel less "excited" about this pregnancy (not PS in general, but the pregnancy). If what it "feels" like to be pregnant changes so visibly to the casual observer, surely I can feel it in myself.

On a side note--I didn't hear back the results today like I was hoping too. Which makes me nervous because I know the results were back this pm and if they were good to go, the nurse wouldn't have had to check with the doctor before calling. And since my dr was gone this worries me that I was borderline again...or worse. Ugh. Luckily, I don't have to go through this again--I feel hungover and icky with a killer headache. Oh, and nauseous from eating waaay too much when I got home. Stupid fasting!


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