Monday, May 23, 2011

Can I tell you a secret?

Shh...don't tell anyone...especially TH.

I don't want to go back to work in August. I want to stay home with LM and be a stay at home mom.  I never thought I would want that. I LOVE my job--it's truly my dream job. Not only do I get to teach the age group I want but I get to be challenged and have leadership roles (a type A dream!). 

But, I can't imagine leaving my little guy.  Maybe it's that I've been home since late February (bedrest) and haven't really had contact with school or my kiddos.  Maybe it's just that I'm watching LM sleep right now and I can't imagine missing any moment with him. 

I'm not a domestic person---I'm a truly uninspired cook. I'm "okay" at housekeeping. I'm def not that fun, organized, patient, creative Mom. So, having my "job" be being in charge of the house and LM isn't exactly something I would excel at. But, it's how I'm feeling right now.

TH has no idea that I'm even considering this.  He knows how I feel about my job and how much I enjoy it---and more importantly....that we cannot afford for me to stay home. We both just finished grad school (Can we say student loans!?!) and just finished working on some house remodeling. As I don't know where this is going....I'm not planning on telling him....yet.

I need time to think and weigh it all.  I'm going into work to visit and show off LM tomorrow. I may just be reinspired once I get there. This may all pass.

Or...I may have a lot to think about over the summer.


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