Friday, May 6, 2011

Two's company...three's a crowd??

Though LM was long wanted and awaited...and we were prepared to take much more extensive measures to get him (thank you Clomid!) sometimes feels like adjusting to be a family of three is full of growing pains. 

I don't know if I've mentioned it on here before, but I've been home since late February (bedrest) and don't go back to work until August (I'm a teacher!). I absolutely adore being home with's something that I know I'll never get to do again.  I'm sure the timing with the next LO won't be as conducive.  We have a good time at home---we play, snuggle, talk etc.  The bonding is stronger than I thought. TH is a teacher too and while he was home with us for a few weeks, he's back to work now. I know how much he misses being able to be with him and see all of the little milestones. I try to keep him up to date with pictures and videos sent to him during the day.  But--I know he feels like he's missing out. And..honestly...he is.  But, I'm grateful that we could afford for me to be here with him and not having him in daycare yet.

Despite both TH and I being totally cognizant of this fact...the cracks are starting to show. I'm starting to resent how early he goes to bed at night..yeah, I'm tired too buddy. Try getting up in the middle of the night, rushing around getting stuff done around the house when LM takes his catnaps etc. I know you're going to work...but I'm not just sitting around on my a** here (okay, sometimes I do but when Grey's is on the DVR, I can't help it!). I haven't been out by myself for a "me thing" in over a month...and that was for a haircut and I came riiiiiight home.  So when it's early in the morning and I'm exhausted and TH decides to cop an attitude with me about the fact that I don't want him to go out with co-workers tonight and how he didn't go out last week so I should feel guilty for not letting him....GRRR.  I don't think he gets that even if he's awake for just a little bit when he's's a break for me for him to hold/snuggle with LM and I like getting to see him. I don't think I'm asking all that much.

It feels like I'm being a mom all of the time and he still gets to be "just a husband" sometimes and do those things that we used to do when it was just the two of us. I know he loves me and adores LM...he's a great dad. But it's hard.
Does this get easier?


  1. I came over from Mel's LFCA. I just had our first son 5 weeks ago (tomorrow) and thought "hey, parenting after IF - that's what I'm doing". :)

    I can SO identify with your hubby sentiments in this post, although I am lucky in that I have a husband who works at 11am so he takes the baby for a few hours in the morning and as soon as he gets home at night. We go to bed at the same time, and share feeds. But seriously - I can still identify because I know how I'd feel if husband tried this with me. Starting Monday he's staying an extra hour at work to go to the gym and I'm totally freaked out about being left, alone, with the child, for an extra hour. It might kill me....

    No, you aren't asking too much. I wish I knew how to get through to the husbands who don't understand, but I don't. Like I said, I got lucky. I also don't think you should feel in the least bit guilty for not letting him go out - he's a parent now, and parents have responsibilities. They can't behave as they did before, it just doesn't work. It's like a married person trying to still live the single life! I hope it gets easier for you, and I hope you don't mind if I follow along for the ride. Our sons aren't too far apart!

  2. Thank you for your support--sometimes it's nice to know someone else out there doesn't think I'm crazy!

    I know that it's all part of the relationship learning curve once there's a new baby but man..last thing any of us need is relationship issues when sleep deprived :-)

    I'd love for you to follow along for the ride--I'd love to hear how your experiences compare :-)

  3. followed your link from the bump...I totally get this post. We've had the same exact talk - the fact that I have to be a Mom 24-7 ; but he gets to just be himself for most of the day and be a Dad for a few hours when he gets home. How is this fair?? It's not. But it's just the way it is. I've tried to take more "Me" time on the weekends and thats been helpful (but its hard to find time to do)

  4. I think finding more "me" time is really's SO hard for me to share the responsibility after doing it by myself all the time! I will say that it seems to be getting better around here--now that LM is smiling/cooing/interacting more, I've noticed that TH seems to be making more of an effort to spend more time with him...I think he's seeing how fast he's changing and realizing what he's missing out on at work. It's by now means perfect--but we're improving and that helps me not feels so resentful.


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