Today is my first Mother's Day. This time last year, I was about to end another super long (50+ days) cycle with another BFN. We were about to start our first round of Clomid. And we were a little over a month away from getting pregnant. But, at that time, I was feeling the crushing weight of fear---fear that it would never happen. I spent last Mother's Day sure that I would never get to experience the joy of being a mother. I was becoming more and more convinced it would never happen. I read the blogs of others who were suffering on this day and felt the pain exactly--no matter how long your journey has been, this day is a hard one. It was on Mother's Day last year that I realized I no longer thought about "when we get pregnant" but "if we get pregnant". It was a humbling and heart-wrenching day.
A year later and the world is totally different. LM is truly the center our of universe now. We spent an amazing day at a state park--picnic, hiking and family time. LM got me a gorgeous bracelet and flowers. AND--he slept for six hours straight Saturday night! TH made sure that the day was perfect--even doing some of the household chores and making sure that LM got all the credit for the day (quite an accomplishment for a nine week old!)
I'm not sure what I've done to earn a life this wonderful. Even last year when I would imagine what it "might" be like if I ever achieved motherhood...it was never this special. While the day was perfect, the best part was seeing my LM smile and coo at the sight of me and seeing him snuggle with his daddy. Amazing how so much changes in a year.