Saturday, June 18, 2011

Inner Struggles

A lot of the blogs I read have been focused on resolving internal struggles lately. Some of the them involve processing the end of a journey, struggling with honesty vs. protecting others, accepting bad news and resolving their feelings of guilt at their happiness while others suffer.

No one plans to be involved in something that could hurt someone else.  It might be completely left up to fate/faith--such as getting pregnant when those around you are suffering losses.  It might have been a mistake that you made---either either a good reason or not.  It could have happened because you just finally couldn't take it anymore and reacted instinctively.  No matter the catalyst...I don't think anyone actually plans to feel like they're causing others pain.

But, that doesn't absolve us from the feelings of guilt that take over.  It seems to me that unfortunately most of the time that we're struggling with this guilt, it means that something good has resulted.  It might be something tangible (a baby, a job, money) and it may be something internal (self-confidence, release of pent up frustration etc).  Either way, just because something good has happened to you, it doesn't mean that you have to feel guilty about it.  We've become used to the pain and frustration of things. We've become used to knowing how it feels for others to inadvertently cause us pain. So, we worry about what our happiness will do to others.

It needs to stop.  Even if your reason for happiness is surrounded by pain, we have to embrace it.  FULLY.  We don't have an infinite amount of time on this planet...nor do we have an infinite amount of happy things that will happen to us.  We don't have to let good things be ruined by negative emotions...even if there is a legitimate reason to feel guilty.

Maybe the motivation/strength to survive the guilt and to survive the pain IS that little piece of happiness and good that has happened to you.


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