One year ago today (at about this time of the morning), this is what I was.
I had convinced myself we were out. It was 15dpo and I certainly didn't feel pregnant. Our timing was poor---just once "in the window". I was so sure that I'd wasted a Clomid round.
But, I was wrong.
Seeing those double lines on the pregnancy test was not a moment I had prepared myself for. All of the other times, I'd be excited and hopeful and "sure" I'd see them. I was wrong. When it actually happened, it was amazing to see. I thought I'd pass out from shock. My stomach dropped and immediately, I felt giddy.
I wanted immediately to tell TH. But, he'd been out partying with friends the night before and was still out cold. I knew from experience that waking him up from a night out would not result in the best of moods or reactions---and that was not how I wanted our moment to be. So, I waited.
I had lunch plans with the BFF. I wanted so bad to tell her but knew TH should come first. I had already told the F.ertility Friend message boards because I had to get it out! I bought a digital test so that I could show TH the word pregnant so it was obvious.
When I got home, I POAS and went downstairs to show him the good news. In true male fashion, he was excited but asked whether I was sure...umm...duh! We went out to dinner to celebrate and talk about our excitement.
I tried to keep my excitement in check though...I had read far too many stories about losses. Due to the Fourth of July holiday, I wasn't able to get in for a beta until Monday. We spent the holiday weekend with family, keeping our secret close.
And now my little secret is downstairs napping in his swing, making sucking faces in his sleep. We wanted him for so long and we finally got him. And every day is still an amazement.