Shh...don't tell.

Thanks for all your comments and ideas about my daycare post. We're still undecided on exactly how to handle it and for now, we're just going to wait it out and see. The newest little baby doesn't start for a few weeks yet and there's always the possibility that things will change. I'm going to try not to obsess and assess as we get there.

My secret for you in this post is a big one. As someone who is usually rocking the guilt train, this is a new one for me. I haven't been feeling very guilty about taking LM to daycare.

Now, don't get me wrong. I miss him all day long. My classroom is covered in pictures of him. I get text message/picture message updates during the day from the DL. I rush home much earlier than normal to lay on the floor and play with him. Weekends are sacred time--don't try to get me to do anything useful...it's all about LM.

But--I assumed I would be wracked with guilt about leaving him. I thought I would cry each and every day. I thought I would worry and obsess about him not being with me to play, grow and learn. But-I'm learning that this isn't the case.

Despite the fact she's got her hands full, my DL loves to snuggle with LM and that helps me walk out the door in the morning. Seeing him burrow into her and smile at me, I feel better. Knowing that he's FINALLY starting to take longer naps there AND self-soothe himself in the process (please start doing it at home LM! Please!), shows me that he is learning some independence (not that I don't try to turn this around by snuggling and cuddling him all weekend!). My point is, I suppose, that I see him growing and having fun. And socializing...the little girls are majorly crushing on my little man.

I could obsess about not spending all of the time with him. I could think about how I could be teaching him and experiencing with him. But, for some odd reason, I haven't been obsessing. Maybe it's because the start of the school year is always crazy (can I tell you how infrequently I've gotten to sit down??!). Maybe it's because I've missed working.

Whatever the reason, we've settled into a rhythm that doesn't make me feel like a bad mom for working and leaving him somewhere else. Will this change when I start to miss "firsts"? Or when he starts to seem happier to see her?

Probably.

But, for now, I'm enjoying the rare break from self-imposed guilt. It's refreshing for a change. We'll see how long it lasts :-)

Oh, and the fact that he seems to be doing all his pooping at daycare (seriously! I've changed one in the last week!) doesn't hurt either!