Wednesday, February 22, 2012

An update

Sorry to have dropped the big news on you all and then disappeared. The news was just so unexpected (even though I suspected, I really figured I'd find myself staring at the stark white of where a line should be) that I kinda went into shut down mode.

I'm still pregnant (as far as I know). I go in to the doctor on the 13th of March for a viability/placement/dating u/s, appt with the doctor etc. Oh how I have missed my dear friend Mr. U/S wand! Physically, I'm feeling nauseous much earlier than last the exhaustion has started. Though...that might be work, a baby and life too.

Emotionally...that's a different story. And, I do realize what I'm about to say will probably cost me half my followers as it will be seen as ungrateful etc etc. But, it is what it is. I've been really really struggling to accept this pregnancy. Once the shock wore off (I mean come on, how cliche is it taking one time after all our struggles!), the worrying started. I'm barely keeping my head above water with LM...and now another? I worry about how it will affect him--he's used to so much attention. Even just pregnancy will affect him...when I can't lift him anymore, when he can't fit on my lap, when I'm just too exhausted to get down on the floor and play. What will we do about daycare? Do I leave a little baby and my baby with someone who I already worry about the ratios? Or do I start over? Again--changing everything for LM. I won't be able to take as long of a maternity leave with this one (due mid Oct) as I'll have to go back after Xmas break (so less than 3 months old). I had 5 months with LM because of summer vacation. How will I cope with leaving such a little baby? This baby is already starting off not getting as much as LM. 

Then of course, the hubs starts talking about things like moving to a bigger house/better neighborhood (it's been talked about before) and is all gung-ho about putting ours on the market (stress anyone?) and moving LM to the bigger bedroom and redoing his nursery. On top of that...he just keeps talking about baby stuff, logistics, names, everything over and over and over....and I'm just not there yet. I'm still too shook up. I realize how bad this sounds. But, it's where I'm at.

I know I need to worry less. Maybe the u/s will help. Maybe, I'm just processing. Maybe I just need time to get excited more.

No clue.


  1. you are totally just processing, a new baby is a big thing, it will take time to adjust to it and it certainly shouldn't cost you any readers.

  2. First, congrats! You're totally the girl my RE warned me about when I got pregnant. And secondly, it's completely normal for you to be reacting this way. You will adjust in time. I think it's awesome your hubs is on board. You will be too. And all that stuff you mentioned, just works itself out. You'll be surprised how much love and time you'll have for both, or at least that's what others tell me.

  3. Congrats! I think you're just processing. Especially since you didn't think it could happen, you know? Hugs to you, it will sink in and soon you'll be excited!

  4. Thanks ladies! I appreciate your's still a HUGE shock. I just didn't think it would happen like this (what do I know!!). I hope the true excitement comes in soon :-)

  5. There is nothing wrong with feeling that way. I felt that way when I was expecting my first! It took me 5 months to really accepted my pregnancy.

    I'm sure as time goes on things will look up!


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