Sorry to have dropped the big news on you all and then disappeared. The news was just so unexpected (even though I suspected, I really figured I'd find myself staring at the stark white of where a line should be) that I kinda went into shut down mode.
still pregnant (as far as I know). I go in to the doctor on the 13th of
March for a viability/placement/dating u/s, appt with the doctor etc. Oh
how I have missed my dear friend Mr. U/S wand! Physically, I'm feeling
nauseous much earlier than last time...plus the exhaustion has started.
Though...that might be work, a baby and life too.
a different story. And, I do realize what I'm about to say will
probably cost me half my followers as it will be seen as ungrateful etc
etc. But, it is what it is. I've been really really struggling to accept
this pregnancy. Once the shock wore off (I mean come on, how cliche is
it taking one time after all our struggles!), the worrying started. I'm
barely keeping my head above water with LM...and now another? I worry
about how it will affect him--he's used to so much attention. Even just
pregnancy will affect him...when I can't lift him anymore, when he can't
fit on my lap, when I'm just too exhausted to get down on the floor and
play. What will we do about daycare? Do I leave a little baby and my
baby with someone who I already worry about the ratios? Or do I start
over? Again--changing everything for LM. I won't be able to take as long
of a maternity leave with this one (due mid Oct) as I'll have to go
back after Xmas break (so less than 3 months old). I had 5 months with
LM because of summer vacation. How will I cope with leaving such a
little baby? This baby is already starting off not getting as much as LM.
Then of course, the hubs starts talking about things like moving to a bigger house/better neighborhood (it's been talked about before) and is all gung-ho about putting ours on the market (stress anyone?) and moving LM to the bigger bedroom and redoing his nursery. On top of that...he just keeps talking about baby stuff, logistics, names, everything over and over and over....and I'm just not there yet. I'm still too shook up. I realize how bad this sounds. But, it's where I'm at.
I know I need to worry less. Maybe the u/s will help. Maybe, I'm just processing. Maybe I just need time to get excited more.