It's hard for me to figure out what to write these days. LM is growing and changing like crazy. I'm filled with millions of updates I want to share with you---like how he started bringing us books to read him. He's always loved books and loves being read to but this is the first time he's started crawling to us (angrily usually, as he hasn't quite got the crawling with big objects thing down yet) to have them read to him. But--my mind is consumed with this pregnancy. The paranoia of not having a beta, the paranoia that comes with the faint faint spotting that happened for a bit today (old, brown spotting, not the scary red, fresh kind) and all of the other things running through my mind a million times a day.
I struggle to have the
energy these days to make it through the day...let alone even get on my
computer if this last week was any indication. Between work, playing
with LM non-stop after coming home, dinner, life and then 1st tri
exhaustion, I know it's going to be hard to update the blog as much as I
want to. And I do want to--not only is it cathartic, but I love
the chronology of it. With this in mind, it makes it even more difficult
to decide what to post about. This place started as a parenting
after IF space...a nook in the world for me to share my thoughts, fears
and experiences---both to have a place to say the things that I have no
one else to say them too AND on the off chance that someone stumbles
upon it and happened to read the one thing they needed to hear when
their baby WILL not sleep like everyone elses and they're losing their
mind (have I mentioned that we're not going to sleep well and waking up
crying at night again??).
I need to find a way to
strike a balance between chronicling this pregnancy (which I wish I had
done with LM) and still giving LM his share in the spotlight. I'm not
sure how this is done....and maybe I'll get better about posting more.
But, let's try.
7w pregnant today....exhausted, vaguely nauseous when I don't get
enough protein/get hungry, cold ALL the time and still trying to wrap my
brain around this scary/crazy/exciting journey we've detoured down.
turns 1 (ONE, did you read that!!????) a week from tomorrow. We're
planning his party (next Sunday) and existing in a state of shock that
we're here already. I'm crushed that I'll be at work on his actual
birthday. It makes me cry to think about it. But, since I'm taking a 1/2
day later in the week for his pedi appt and then another 1/2 day the
next week for my u/s and dr appt, I really can't. I even thought about
seeing if someone could cover my room for 45 min or so and then I'd stay
at daycare with him until his birth time. But--I don't see it
happening. I can't believe this year has flown by---how did it happen??
read a statistic in a magazine today about how many Saturdays you get
with your child between birth and then leaving for college---it was
somewhere in the 900's but I hate the idea that so many of them are
gone. Bleh. Too many hormones to think about this.
That's my update for today....I hope I will be better this week about sharing all of the thoughts bouncing around in my head.