I'm so tired of TH and his opinion of my cooking (or lack thereof). This isn't a new issue....because I've never been a good cook. Well...I guess I've never been an elaborate cook. Growing up just my mom and me, dinners were simple. Add into that one super picky eater (me) and the result is not someone who is a culinary goddess.
The issue rears its head from time to time but for the most part, TH seems to be okay with it. Dinners aren't exciting and I certainly let him have input (especially if it involves frozen pizza or grilling--his specialties). Tensions have arises lately as it seems like LM always is ready to eat mid-way through dinner preparation or in the middle of the decision process--frustrating TH and usually involving him starting/cooking.
But--it's really come to a head this week as we are heading out this weekend with his sister/husband/three kids to spend a week in a cabin. She and I decided on some dinners (a mix of easy preps and grilling) and I told her to just give me a list of what she wants us to bring. She knows I'm not the big chef she is (she loves cooking). I'll gladly do whatever she wants...I know it's not my strong suit. However, she wants us to be in charge of two of the four breakfasts. Not a big deal. We're basically coffee and occasional bagel breakfast people and they're eggs/bacon/potatoes/toast people. Luckily, I'm not a complete fool and I do know how to make things like that---I thought french toast and a strata. When I shared my plan with TH, he immediately went off about why we need to cater to their breakfast tastes when we'll barely eat it. I told him that while I understand what he's saying, if we show up with the bagels and canned cinnamon rolls like he suggested (and I'd be perfectly happy eating....yummy cinnamon rolls!)--then what happens is that I look bad as a "cook". It looks like that I'm not capable of doing more, instead of the meal being more indicative of what I'd rather eat for breakfast. I don't want to further sink they're idea of my culinary prowess. I CAN make hot breakfast things...I just don't usually because the two of us don't eat that way.
WELL. That opened a can of worms. He starts going off about how I'm trying to put on a front/show and why would I cook for them when I don't cook for him and on and on. I think it's more about rising to the expectations of the situation. My SIL/BIL and their three LO's aren't used to eating small breakfasts and if I agree to be in charge of one...well...then there are expectations. TH disagrees and somehow we're in this big "thing" about how I'm a bad cook.
Again---NOT A NEW REVELATION. It just only seems to come up when he has an issue with it. Frustrating beyond belief. I know the issue is partially with me. I used to have confidence in the few things that I liked eating/cooking. But, his reaction to my other abilities, these meals and my inability to do other things has slowly eroded my self-confidence in cooking. When I do want to try something new, I doubt myself (and see this doubt in his reaction to my ideas). I know I should try to get over this and do it anyway...but I can't seem to. I know this won't help me get better...and won't help the domestic issue. But, it's my hang-up...and I resent him for making me feel this way and so I don't put the effort into changing. Grr.
I don't even like to cook.
And I didn't want to go on this vacation anyway....LM still struggles with sleeping and gets overstimulated by his cousins so easily.
(I totally get that a lot of this issue is solvable.....I just am stubborn and sick of it).