Sunday, May 13, 2012

A Day for Mother's

Shouldn't every day be a day for Mother's? Just kidding.

I've been struggling to figure out how to write this post--I know that today is a touchy day for those of you still struggling to become mothers. The last thing you want to read while you are hurting is me talking about how blessed I am to be a mother.

However, it seems like avoiding it would be like not being happy to be in love around Valentine's Day because you're afraid of making someone single sad. Or hurting those at Christmas who can't be with their families. It seems like as happy as holidays tend to be...they also all tend to bring about sadness if you can't quite meet the requirements. I think holidays are inherently  tied strongly to emotions--both positive and negative. So, I decided to write a post.

Last year this time, I was giddy with excitement over my first Mother's Day. We had big plans for picnic-ing in the park, going for a hike and just spending a relaxing day out. We ate "specialty" items from the deli, watched little monkey as he napped in his stroller and took lots of pictures. I was overwhelmed with the idea that I was this little creature's mother and that he relied on me for everything.

This year, I'd like to say that I'm in a better place as a mother. But--alas--I'm still as clueless overall about how to be the best mother I can be. Sure, I've learned lots of things but with every milestone I hit as a mother, new obstacles & questions arise. If I've learned one thing for sure this year, it has been that I will never stop learning, questioning myself and wondering if I'm doing the right thing. I guess the only way I'll know how it works out is when he's grown up and something to be amazingly proud of.

No matter how you became/become/will become a mother, everyone's end goal is the raise a child that is smart, emotionally healthy and a good person. Mother's Day is about embracing the mother you are (or will be) and becoming comfortable with it. It's hard to trust yourself, your actions and your decisions. Mommy intuition is not something that appears right after the umbilical cord is cut---it takes time to develop it and learn to trust it.

Perhaps every year on Mother's Day, I will be able to reflect on this and see that every year I've gained trust in myself and that what I'm doing is working. I want this day to be about improving as a mother and gaining faith in myself--not about tooting my own "Aren't I an awesome Mom? Please pamper me!" horn.


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