Thursday, May 10, 2012

Having "the talk"

It's time to have "the talk"...I think LM's old enough don't you? I mean, soon he'll be asking how the new baby got in my belly...well...maybe not. I guess that talk can wait.

The "talk" with our daycare provider however, cannot. We knew when we told her we were pregnant that there was always a chance she had already taken clients for the fall to replace the twins (moving on to pre-school). To her, the ideal number is me it's not---especially not with an infant. When we told her, one of her first questions was to ask if we were still going to bring LM back and bring the new baby. I explained to her that it's really important to us that besides LM, the two 2yos (well 2 in September) and the little girl 3 months younger than LM, we'd like our baby to be the only one she adds. We're comfortable (most of the time) with how he interacts with the other girls and the amount of attention he'll get----it's not 100% ideal but he loves her and she loves him.

However, she told us that she had already been talking with another family who was having a baby in September and would start when it was six weeks old. Now, even though PS will be born in October, I'll stay home until January. I know it's a lot asking her to go without the fifth child income from June (when the twins stop) until January....but in reality, the other baby wouldn't start until sometime in October anyway so it's really not that different. I explained that we'd really like it if it was capped at five (with ours being the fifth). You can't hold two infants as much as necessary (or as I deem necessary) and being able to have a free hand for the others (including LM who clearly likes to climb and get into mischief!). The family hadn't made a decision yet and she kept saying that she feels like six is her right number. I told her to take some time to think about it and talk with her husband and obviously we didn't need to make a decision just yet and we wanted her to think about it. When I came back in the pm for pickup, I honestly thought we'd at least chat about it again (she's a processor so this happens a lot from morning to afternoon) but she didn't. And I didn't...because I'm a chicken.

So...a month and a half has gone by. It's not like she pretends that I'm not pregnant---we've talked about my growing bump, she's said she's excited for us to find out what we're having next week. It just hasn't come up again. She made a comment last week to TH about having PS next year. But, we haven't had the conversation about whether that means she's not taking on the other infant or if she's talking about all six when she says that (why TH didn't use this as the PERFECT opportunity to talk about it, Ill never know). Also, if she says that she's going to have PS be the 5th, then I've got to figure out a way to make it clear (either verbally or contractually) that this means we expect her to not take on ANY more children (aka going over 5 including PS).

This is obviously not my strong suit---I'm not into confrontation (well, unless LM's safety is involved) and I'm scared she'll say she's taking on another and we'll have to stick to our guns and leave. And LM adores her...he never cries when I leave and usually strains to get into her arms right away. It's made going to work so much easier to know he loves it there---plus, she's disciplined so I know LM isn't going to run wild (that kind of spoiling only occurs at home!).

But, the end of the school year is approaching (hurray!) and we have to have the conversation before summer starts. We'll be taking him on and off throughout the summer but I need things squared away. But, I have no idea how to bring it up, under what circumstances (people around etc) and whether I have the spine to follow through.

Maybe I should just have the s.ex talk with LM and hide my head in the sand about this "talk".

1 comment:

  1. At least you already had the initial discussion, which is really the hard part. She knows your concerns. I would've been too chicken to even get that far. Now you just got to follow up. I understand, though, I am the same way about things, and there's the fear of losing her. Once you do it though, you'll feel so much better. Good luck!


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