While I may have reservations about our DCP in some regards, the one thing I give her full credit for is getting LM on a schedule. He takes two naps a day, at approximately the same time every day M-Friday. He has snack at an appropriate time and is always hungry at dinnertime as a result. Due to his schedule, he goes to bed around the same time every night.
BUT---I hate it on the weekends. Because he usually sleeps in at least an hour later than normal (sometimes 2 if we're lucky), he goes down for his morning nap later, eats lunch later and sometimes has no interest in taking an afternoon nap or if he does, it's late enough it pushes back bedtime. He also goes down with little to no fussing for her. But for us, unless he's really tired, he cries. And cries. It usually only lasts a few minutes but those few minutes are heart-wrenching. Why do I have to be the one that has to listen to him cry? Why won't he sleep like that for us? It just sucks that he'll do things differently there than here.
Usually, this makes for some tense moments during the weekends---as I hate to let him cry and TH thinks he's old enough to "cio". But--it's only two days and we make it through. However, spring break is upcoming and I dread how 9 days of being "off schedule" will feel. Christmas break is longer, so we get into our own schedule. But, we'll just be getting there when it's time to go back to work. I'm not willing to get him up at 645 every morning just to "keep the schedule".
I don't really know what to do except hope and cross my fingers he doesn't cry at naptime. I just hate that I have to be the one to hear it...and I hate that the schedule I'm happy he has is the reason he's so off on the weekends.
Anyone have any good weekend/off-routine tips?
Sunday, March 25, 2012
Wednesday, March 14, 2012
Fourth Meal?
So, as you know, I'm always embarking on some part of my continuous
journey to get LM to sleep....sleep better, sooner, more solidly, enough
to keep me sane after over a year of crappy sleep etc etc.
Recently, TH was on daddy duty while I went to a panel for incoming parents next year. I came home shortly before bedtime and LM was in his high chair going to town on some ham. Apparently, he was fussy so instead of assuming it might be time to wind down for bed, he fed him. AND....because why not...LM went immediately to sleep after his bedtime bottle and slept all night. TH is quite proud of himself of course and insisted it was the snack. Since LM does get cranky bananas for dinner around 5-530, I conceded it was possible he might be a bit hungry. So, we kept giving him a little snack a bit before bed---mostly proteins. And he slept really really well.
Now, it's not perfect by any means...we've had a few bad nights that may have been chalked up to not really much of a snack just as much as it could've been teeth, nap issues etc. But--since I'm superstitious, if it works, I repeat it until it doesn't. BUT--like all things that I feel like could be habit-forming....I worry.
I worry that by encouraging this very "fourth meal" habit, he'll either become dependent on it or fat. And--is it really a good idea for a snack that time of night to be ham or string cheese slices? Or, like the other night when we were eating our own dinner around this time, some pork bbq. Am I screwing this kid up? Will he be that college dude who has to hit up "the bell" late at night because he can't sleep without a full belly? Add to this that one of my pet peeves about my SIL and her kids is that they snack ALL THE TIME, and graze at meals as a result. Super fun on vacation...it's always time to stop for a snack.
Thoughts on "snacks" as a fourth meal?
Recently, TH was on daddy duty while I went to a panel for incoming parents next year. I came home shortly before bedtime and LM was in his high chair going to town on some ham. Apparently, he was fussy so instead of assuming it might be time to wind down for bed, he fed him. AND....because why not...LM went immediately to sleep after his bedtime bottle and slept all night. TH is quite proud of himself of course and insisted it was the snack. Since LM does get cranky bananas for dinner around 5-530, I conceded it was possible he might be a bit hungry. So, we kept giving him a little snack a bit before bed---mostly proteins. And he slept really really well.
Now, it's not perfect by any means...we've had a few bad nights that may have been chalked up to not really much of a snack just as much as it could've been teeth, nap issues etc. But--since I'm superstitious, if it works, I repeat it until it doesn't. BUT--like all things that I feel like could be habit-forming....I worry.
I worry that by encouraging this very "fourth meal" habit, he'll either become dependent on it or fat. And--is it really a good idea for a snack that time of night to be ham or string cheese slices? Or, like the other night when we were eating our own dinner around this time, some pork bbq. Am I screwing this kid up? Will he be that college dude who has to hit up "the bell" late at night because he can't sleep without a full belly? Add to this that one of my pet peeves about my SIL and her kids is that they snack ALL THE TIME, and graze at meals as a result. Super fun on vacation...it's always time to stop for a snack.
Thoughts on "snacks" as a fourth meal?
Tuesday, March 13, 2012
And we have a pumpkin seed!
The u/s showed a strong heartbeat (180+) and a little gummy bear of a baby---complete with arm and leg buds!
The dates show it about 4 days behind my LMP but as I've always been a late O'er, I'm not surprised. But, LM was the same way with dates and was born the day before his EDD based off LMP, so we stick with that....Oct. 13th!
So...introducing out little pumpkin seen.
It's amazing how the technology has changed in a year and a half :-)
Thanks for all your thoughts and prayers.....they were a big help.
I'm so relieved.
The dates show it about 4 days behind my LMP but as I've always been a late O'er, I'm not surprised. But, LM was the same way with dates and was born the day before his EDD based off LMP, so we stick with that....Oct. 13th!
So...introducing out little pumpkin seen.
It's amazing how the technology has changed in a year and a half :-)
Thanks for all your thoughts and prayers.....they were a big help.
I'm so relieved.
Terrified.
That's really the only word I have to describe this afternoon's upcoming appointment.
At 1pm est (US) time, we'll find out if we have a pumpkin seed growing....or if my instinct/nerves are right.
We'll find out if we'll be a family of 3 or 4.
I'm terrified the u/s will be glaring empty or small. Or worse....they'll be no heartbeat to hear.
Do I have a logical reason for any of this? No---it just feels different and I've been un-centered since seeing those two lines.
I'm just scared. And could use some happy thoughts and fairy dust.
At 1pm est (US) time, we'll find out if we have a pumpkin seed growing....or if my instinct/nerves are right.
We'll find out if we'll be a family of 3 or 4.
I'm terrified the u/s will be glaring empty or small. Or worse....they'll be no heartbeat to hear.
Do I have a logical reason for any of this? No---it just feels different and I've been un-centered since seeing those two lines.
I'm just scared. And could use some happy thoughts and fairy dust.
Monday, March 12, 2012
I am
Saw this post by Suzy at Not a Fertile Myrtle and thought it was fitting for my mood these last few days....
I am… exhausted.
I know… I am too hard on myself.
I want… more time.
I wish… everyone could find what they are looking for.
I fear… tomorrow's 1st u/s.
I feel… inadequate.
I smell… the dog :-(
I hear… Celebrity Apprentice and LM coughing on the monitor.
I wonder…how I will manage two babies.
I believe… that children are the future (j/k). I believe that karma is a b*tch.
I sing… on the way to work to wake up.
I cried last… this morning.
I can usually be found… at home.
I am happy… when I am with LM and TH.
I am… exhausted.
I know… I am too hard on myself.
I want… more time.
I wish… everyone could find what they are looking for.
I fear… tomorrow's 1st u/s.
I feel… inadequate.
I smell… the dog :-(
I hear… Celebrity Apprentice and LM coughing on the monitor.
I wonder…how I will manage two babies.
I believe… that children are the future (j/k). I believe that karma is a b*tch.
I sing… on the way to work to wake up.
I cried last… this morning.
I can usually be found… at home.
I am happy… when I am with LM and TH.
What are {you} today?
Friday, March 9, 2012
Monday, March 5, 2012
On the day you were born....
Today is LM's birthday. I cannot, CANNOT believe he is one already.
I'm not sure where they time went. It seems like just yesterday that we were headed to the hospital to have him. I'm not sure where the tiny, sleepy, breakable little baby that they let us take home went. He is a mover mover mover today...only stopping for snuggles and to bring me a book to read to him.
I cried a lot today. It's so hard to accept that he's been around so long....and I know how time will fly from here. The idea that he's not really a "baby" anymore (plus a baby on the way) just crushed me. I want him little and tiny forever. Plus--I hated leaving him to go to work today (luckily, I forgot the formula and had to make a special trip back to daycare on my morning break). Stupid leap year...if not for you, his birthday would've been yesterday.
Speaking of yesterday--we had a big party. Thirty of our closest relatives packed the house...and I do mean closest--there were another 20 of my aunts/uncles/cousins who are probably pissed at me for not inviting them. Boo hoo...a house can only hold so much and they never visit. Anyway. LM had a good time once he got over being shy. He was still recovering from his first high fever bout on Friday so he was a bit lethargic and uninterested in food.
He tried his first cupcake. He thought it was odd (he hadn't had any sugar yet) and enjoyed playing in it more. However, he did get enough of the red frosting to break out in a rash all over his back/stomach and head from the red food dye (according to Dr. Brother-in Law). Let's hope he's right so that it's not something contagious and wrong at the same time since red dye is in EVERYTHING yummy :-)
I'll post pictures shortly...they're all living happily together on several cameras, cell phones and various other electronic devices.
Still can't believe it.....one year. He crawls, laughs, tells me "all done" (amongst his other 6 words) and adores any kind of ball. He isn't weaned off the bottle and is so-so with table food. He still wakes me up most nights and struggles to go down to sleep unless I'm in the room. BUT--he's smart as a whip and lights up when he sees us....and I still can't believe he's mine to keep. Let alone been mine for a year.
Wow.
I'm not sure where they time went. It seems like just yesterday that we were headed to the hospital to have him. I'm not sure where the tiny, sleepy, breakable little baby that they let us take home went. He is a mover mover mover today...only stopping for snuggles and to bring me a book to read to him.
I cried a lot today. It's so hard to accept that he's been around so long....and I know how time will fly from here. The idea that he's not really a "baby" anymore (plus a baby on the way) just crushed me. I want him little and tiny forever. Plus--I hated leaving him to go to work today (luckily, I forgot the formula and had to make a special trip back to daycare on my morning break). Stupid leap year...if not for you, his birthday would've been yesterday.
Speaking of yesterday--we had a big party. Thirty of our closest relatives packed the house...and I do mean closest--there were another 20 of my aunts/uncles/cousins who are probably pissed at me for not inviting them. Boo hoo...a house can only hold so much and they never visit. Anyway. LM had a good time once he got over being shy. He was still recovering from his first high fever bout on Friday so he was a bit lethargic and uninterested in food.
He tried his first cupcake. He thought it was odd (he hadn't had any sugar yet) and enjoyed playing in it more. However, he did get enough of the red frosting to break out in a rash all over his back/stomach and head from the red food dye (according to Dr. Brother-in Law). Let's hope he's right so that it's not something contagious and wrong at the same time since red dye is in EVERYTHING yummy :-)
I'll post pictures shortly...they're all living happily together on several cameras, cell phones and various other electronic devices.
Still can't believe it.....one year. He crawls, laughs, tells me "all done" (amongst his other 6 words) and adores any kind of ball. He isn't weaned off the bottle and is so-so with table food. He still wakes me up most nights and struggles to go down to sleep unless I'm in the room. BUT--he's smart as a whip and lights up when he sees us....and I still can't believe he's mine to keep. Let alone been mine for a year.
Wow.
Thursday, March 1, 2012
Censoring
I've always got so much going on in my head that I try to figure out "where" to put it online. Little tiny questions, ramblings etc usually end up on LM's Due Date Facebook group. Pictures end up on my main account. Good stories sometimes end up here. Most of the time, I try to keep my thoughts on here cognizant of my audience--moms who may or may not have struggled with infertility. I keep in mind that some things could be offensive or annoying for me to ramble about.
That said, I had a "post" planned in my head for here....my anxiety about LM turning 1 (gasp) Monday. I also had some worries/thoughts that I was planning on sharing with my march mamas. But, today one of the other moms in the group who was only a few weeks more pregnant than me had an u/s and found out there was no heartbeat. And...suddenly, what I was about to post would be insensitive and immature. But...I still need to get it out there. So, I'm going to post it here. I'll warn you that it does touch on the idea of pregnancy loss so if that's upsetting to you, please don't bother to read on. I understand.
In mid-January, when all sort of march mamas were popping up pregnant, I posted in our fb group that I'm glad they were the ones getting pregnant and the dreams I'd had about a positive pregnancy test must've been in their honor. Well....a few weeks later...suddenly I'm the pregnant one. I'm not big into paranormal, psychic abilities and whatnot, but I don't discount it. I believe people have gifts.
What I do wonder about though, is premonitions. I tell myself lots of "stories" in my head...mostly just running commentaries of things that I create in my head...fantasies (loosely) I guess. Mostly, just little plots I create in my head usually not involving me. Anyway....when I try to think about our first doctor's appointment on the 13th, all of the "stories" I create in my head are not good. They all end with no heartbeat, no baby. I control these entirely. I'm not sure why this is what I picture when I picture that appointment. Is it my way of preparing emotionally in case that's what happens? Or does it fall under a premonition category?
I just don't know why I can't picture a happy ending. I then also worry that if that is the result...did I cause it with my thoughts/feelings etc??
Just wanted to get it out. I'm going to focus on being more positive. And go back to worrying about LM turning one :-) Much more normal and healthy!
That said, I had a "post" planned in my head for here....my anxiety about LM turning 1 (gasp) Monday. I also had some worries/thoughts that I was planning on sharing with my march mamas. But, today one of the other moms in the group who was only a few weeks more pregnant than me had an u/s and found out there was no heartbeat. And...suddenly, what I was about to post would be insensitive and immature. But...I still need to get it out there. So, I'm going to post it here. I'll warn you that it does touch on the idea of pregnancy loss so if that's upsetting to you, please don't bother to read on. I understand.
In mid-January, when all sort of march mamas were popping up pregnant, I posted in our fb group that I'm glad they were the ones getting pregnant and the dreams I'd had about a positive pregnancy test must've been in their honor. Well....a few weeks later...suddenly I'm the pregnant one. I'm not big into paranormal, psychic abilities and whatnot, but I don't discount it. I believe people have gifts.
What I do wonder about though, is premonitions. I tell myself lots of "stories" in my head...mostly just running commentaries of things that I create in my head...fantasies (loosely) I guess. Mostly, just little plots I create in my head usually not involving me. Anyway....when I try to think about our first doctor's appointment on the 13th, all of the "stories" I create in my head are not good. They all end with no heartbeat, no baby. I control these entirely. I'm not sure why this is what I picture when I picture that appointment. Is it my way of preparing emotionally in case that's what happens? Or does it fall under a premonition category?
I just don't know why I can't picture a happy ending. I then also worry that if that is the result...did I cause it with my thoughts/feelings etc??
Just wanted to get it out. I'm going to focus on being more positive. And go back to worrying about LM turning one :-) Much more normal and healthy!
Sunday, February 26, 2012
From here to there...
It's hard for me to figure out what to write these days. LM is
growing and changing like crazy. I'm filled with millions of updates I
want to share with you---like how he started bringing us books to read
him. He's always loved books and loves being read to but this is the
first time he's started crawling to us (angrily usually, as he hasn't
quite got the crawling with big objects thing down yet) to have them
read to him. But--my mind is consumed with this pregnancy. The paranoia
of not having a beta, the paranoia that comes with the faint faint
spotting that happened for a bit today (old, brown spotting, not the
scary red, fresh kind) and all of the other things running through my
mind a million times a day.
I struggle to have the energy these days to make it through the day...let alone even get on my computer if this last week was any indication. Between work, playing with LM non-stop after coming home, dinner, life and then 1st tri exhaustion, I know it's going to be hard to update the blog as much as I want to. And I do want to--not only is it cathartic, but I love the chronology of it. With this in mind, it makes it even more difficult to decide what to post about. This place started as a parenting after IF space...a nook in the world for me to share my thoughts, fears and experiences---both to have a place to say the things that I have no one else to say them too AND on the off chance that someone stumbles upon it and happened to read the one thing they needed to hear when their baby WILL not sleep like everyone elses and they're losing their mind (have I mentioned that we're not going to sleep well and waking up crying at night again??).
I need to find a way to strike a balance between chronicling this pregnancy (which I wish I had done with LM) and still giving LM his share in the spotlight. I'm not sure how this is done....and maybe I'll get better about posting more.
But, let's try.
I'm 7w pregnant today....exhausted, vaguely nauseous when I don't get enough protein/get hungry, cold ALL the time and still trying to wrap my brain around this scary/crazy/exciting journey we've detoured down.
LM turns 1 (ONE, did you read that!!????) a week from tomorrow. We're planning his party (next Sunday) and existing in a state of shock that we're here already. I'm crushed that I'll be at work on his actual birthday. It makes me cry to think about it. But, since I'm taking a 1/2 day later in the week for his pedi appt and then another 1/2 day the next week for my u/s and dr appt, I really can't. I even thought about seeing if someone could cover my room for 45 min or so and then I'd stay at daycare with him until his birth time. But--I don't see it happening. I can't believe this year has flown by---how did it happen??
I read a statistic in a magazine today about how many Saturdays you get with your child between birth and then leaving for college---it was somewhere in the 900's but I hate the idea that so many of them are gone. Bleh. Too many hormones to think about this.
That's my update for today....I hope I will be better this week about sharing all of the thoughts bouncing around in my head.
I struggle to have the energy these days to make it through the day...let alone even get on my computer if this last week was any indication. Between work, playing with LM non-stop after coming home, dinner, life and then 1st tri exhaustion, I know it's going to be hard to update the blog as much as I want to. And I do want to--not only is it cathartic, but I love the chronology of it. With this in mind, it makes it even more difficult to decide what to post about. This place started as a parenting after IF space...a nook in the world for me to share my thoughts, fears and experiences---both to have a place to say the things that I have no one else to say them too AND on the off chance that someone stumbles upon it and happened to read the one thing they needed to hear when their baby WILL not sleep like everyone elses and they're losing their mind (have I mentioned that we're not going to sleep well and waking up crying at night again??).
I need to find a way to strike a balance between chronicling this pregnancy (which I wish I had done with LM) and still giving LM his share in the spotlight. I'm not sure how this is done....and maybe I'll get better about posting more.
But, let's try.
I'm 7w pregnant today....exhausted, vaguely nauseous when I don't get enough protein/get hungry, cold ALL the time and still trying to wrap my brain around this scary/crazy/exciting journey we've detoured down.
LM turns 1 (ONE, did you read that!!????) a week from tomorrow. We're planning his party (next Sunday) and existing in a state of shock that we're here already. I'm crushed that I'll be at work on his actual birthday. It makes me cry to think about it. But, since I'm taking a 1/2 day later in the week for his pedi appt and then another 1/2 day the next week for my u/s and dr appt, I really can't. I even thought about seeing if someone could cover my room for 45 min or so and then I'd stay at daycare with him until his birth time. But--I don't see it happening. I can't believe this year has flown by---how did it happen??
I read a statistic in a magazine today about how many Saturdays you get with your child between birth and then leaving for college---it was somewhere in the 900's but I hate the idea that so many of them are gone. Bleh. Too many hormones to think about this.
That's my update for today....I hope I will be better this week about sharing all of the thoughts bouncing around in my head.
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
An update
Sorry to have dropped the big news on you all and then disappeared.
The news was just so unexpected (even though I suspected, I really
figured I'd find myself staring at the stark white of where a line
should be) that I kinda went into shut down mode.
I'm still pregnant (as far as I know). I go in to the doctor on the 13th of March for a viability/placement/dating u/s, appt with the doctor etc. Oh how I have missed my dear friend Mr. U/S wand! Physically, I'm feeling nauseous much earlier than last time...plus the exhaustion has started. Though...that might be work, a baby and life too.
Emotionally...that's a different story. And, I do realize what I'm about to say will probably cost me half my followers as it will be seen as ungrateful etc etc. But, it is what it is. I've been really really struggling to accept this pregnancy. Once the shock wore off (I mean come on, how cliche is it taking one time after all our struggles!), the worrying started. I'm barely keeping my head above water with LM...and now another? I worry about how it will affect him--he's used to so much attention. Even just pregnancy will affect him...when I can't lift him anymore, when he can't fit on my lap, when I'm just too exhausted to get down on the floor and play. What will we do about daycare? Do I leave a little baby and my baby with someone who I already worry about the ratios? Or do I start over? Again--changing everything for LM. I won't be able to take as long of a maternity leave with this one (due mid Oct) as I'll have to go back after Xmas break (so less than 3 months old). I had 5 months with LM because of summer vacation. How will I cope with leaving such a little baby? This baby is already starting off not getting as much as LM.
Then of course, the hubs starts talking about things like moving to a bigger house/better neighborhood (it's been talked about before) and is all gung-ho about putting ours on the market (stress anyone?) and moving LM to the bigger bedroom and redoing his nursery. On top of that...he just keeps talking about baby stuff, logistics, names, everything over and over and over....and I'm just not there yet. I'm still too shook up. I realize how bad this sounds. But, it's where I'm at.
I know I need to worry less. Maybe the u/s will help. Maybe, I'm just processing. Maybe I just need time to get excited more.
No clue.
I'm still pregnant (as far as I know). I go in to the doctor on the 13th of March for a viability/placement/dating u/s, appt with the doctor etc. Oh how I have missed my dear friend Mr. U/S wand! Physically, I'm feeling nauseous much earlier than last time...plus the exhaustion has started. Though...that might be work, a baby and life too.
Emotionally...that's a different story. And, I do realize what I'm about to say will probably cost me half my followers as it will be seen as ungrateful etc etc. But, it is what it is. I've been really really struggling to accept this pregnancy. Once the shock wore off (I mean come on, how cliche is it taking one time after all our struggles!), the worrying started. I'm barely keeping my head above water with LM...and now another? I worry about how it will affect him--he's used to so much attention. Even just pregnancy will affect him...when I can't lift him anymore, when he can't fit on my lap, when I'm just too exhausted to get down on the floor and play. What will we do about daycare? Do I leave a little baby and my baby with someone who I already worry about the ratios? Or do I start over? Again--changing everything for LM. I won't be able to take as long of a maternity leave with this one (due mid Oct) as I'll have to go back after Xmas break (so less than 3 months old). I had 5 months with LM because of summer vacation. How will I cope with leaving such a little baby? This baby is already starting off not getting as much as LM.
Then of course, the hubs starts talking about things like moving to a bigger house/better neighborhood (it's been talked about before) and is all gung-ho about putting ours on the market (stress anyone?) and moving LM to the bigger bedroom and redoing his nursery. On top of that...he just keeps talking about baby stuff, logistics, names, everything over and over and over....and I'm just not there yet. I'm still too shook up. I realize how bad this sounds. But, it's where I'm at.
I know I need to worry less. Maybe the u/s will help. Maybe, I'm just processing. Maybe I just need time to get excited more.
No clue.
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